31 Jan 2009

Ivy League Graduate With Expensive Tastes Seeks a Patron


I have no idea why he was reading “Women seeking Men” ads in Craigslist, but a college friend from Yale found it amusing and sent me a link to this current advertisement

I am a charming, polished and elegant batchelorette (sic) seeking a well-off, cultured and chivalrous gentleman. I offer my services as one highly trained in the domestic arts, including the preparation of gourmet cuisine, the organization and hosting of all manner of social events, the designing of couture clothing and the supervision and direction of all domestic tasks. I am an Ivy League graduate in Philosophy and Art History with conversational skills in French, Spanish and German. I am also a classically trained lyric soprano and have received extensive ballet training. I enjoy attending all manner of fine arts performances and I would be the perfect jewel to adorn any gentleman’s arm. I am five feet and six inches in height and am a size four, with dazzling green eyes framed by luxurious long chestnut waves. My presence in any gentleman’s home would provide a finishing touch of elegance and refinement. I have just returned from an extended tour of Continental Europe and find myself lonely without my traveling companions. Therefore, I propose an exchange of my skills and company for gentlemen who are capable of meeting the following stipulations.

As part of our budding companionship, I request the following gifts:

-designer shoes from these designers: Ferragamo, Manolo Blahnik, Louboutin. I do not particularly care for Jimmy Choo.

-health and beauty expenses, including access to a personal trainer.

-Louis Vuitton luggage.

-clothing and accessories.

– jewelry from Cartier or Tiffany’s. I prefer gold with uncolored gemstones.

-financing to devote to my budding fashion design career and other personal needs.

Surprise gifts are always welcome, but please make note of my following preferences:

-Please do not purchase any perfumes or scented products. I have a personally crafted signature fragrance and do not care for any others.

-Please do not purchase any handbags from Fendi or Gucci, because I see them far too often on the streets of New York for my taste.

– Jewelry can only be from Tiffany’s or Cartier or handcrafted by a designer with whom you have a long-standing relationship.

-I do not like red roses. If you purchase roses, they need to be a unique color, and therefore not white, yellow, pink or red. They cannot appear to be purchased from your local grocery store. Personally picked roses from your private garden, however, are welcome.

-In terms of food gifts, good wine or champagne is always appreciated. I dearly love dark chocolate truffles and milk chocolate confections. I am especially fond of peppermint and cinnamon, but do not like any kind of dried fruit. Fresh fruit, the more exotic the better, is always appreciated.

Please note that the above arrangement does not support carnal interaction. If you wish to pursue such relations, a permanent contractual agreement is required.

One tends to suspect that the poster’s resume may feature a shade or two of exaggeration, and her shopping list may be too much to hope for in exchange for some vague hosting services in these difficult economic times.


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