28 Nov 2009

Mocking “Twilight”

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You are rich, immortal, a century old vampire who has all the learning and experience of very long human lifetime, the opportunity to live anywhere you choose and do anything you like, but a personal need for privacy, anonymity, and –of course– routine access to prey.

Naturally, you select the rural, 3,000 population town of Forks, Washington over Paris, London, Shanghai, and New York, attend high school and become romantically (and non-predaciously) involved with a 17 year old girl, and you dine on deer.

It was the high school part that gave Karen and myself the most serious problem. We both felt strongly that, were we vampires ourselves, we would consider high school in the upper rank of the same category of undesirable things as garlic, stakes, and crucifixes.

Karen and I actually read several volumes of the Twilight young adult series a few years ago when it began attracting wide attention. We found the novels readable enough, at least in the early portion of the series. The energy and marginal plausibility of character motivation and behavior seemed to weaken significantly in later volumes, and we quit reading before the series reached its conclusion.

As everyone knows, vampires have become a favorite theme in popular culture, offering the female audience male leads combining power and sophistication with melancholy complexity. The vampire is, of course, the bad boy par excellence offering an otherwise unequaled opportunity for any girl to give him the special understanding he needs and then to redeem him by her love.

We’ve been too busy hunting to be going to movies these days. I’ll have to wait to see Twilight (2008) and The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) when they appear on cable, but I was familiar enough with all this to enjoy the major mockfest of 20 Unfortunate Lessons Girls Learn From Twilight.

The 9:58 Rifftrax video is also quite amusing.

2 Feedbacks on "Mocking “Twilight”"


Actually, I would think that a High School would be the ultimate safe place to be a vampire. No Crosses allowed, no prayer, no holy water, no real food (including real garlic), no wooden stakes (weapons are frowned upon at school), and no meddlesome Catholic priests. Sounds like a target-rich environment to me. ;)

Steve Bodio

I like Rob’s comment. For now perhaps the only adult vampire novel in the plethora that exists is S M Stirling’s at his website– in progress, several chapters up for reading, due next year. Stirling is pretty good on non vampire novels as well– dark alternate earth series, a nice Raj pastiche called The Peshawar lances…


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