Walter’s Swan Song (the the tune of Marty Robbins’ El Paso):
Out in New Mexican town of Alb ‘Querque
I fell in love with the methedrine world
Daytime would find me in Gustavo’s meth lab
I’d start a batch and ingredients would swirl
Blue as the sky was my brand, ‘Phetamina
Purer than snow with a ninety six grade
Great was the take from this methedrine poison
Buried in barrels till I was betrayed
One day a former meth partner called up
Claims I had poisoned a ki-I-I-i-id
Spiteful and spurning, my cash he was burning
From blue ‘Phetamina
The drug that I cooked
So in panic, I
Drove to the spot where I buried my money
Only to find that nobody was near
Wasn’t aware I’d been tailed by my in-law
Phoned Nazi scum; Jesse’s vengeance I feared
Just for a moment I flopped to the hard ground
Shocked when that Nazi killed Hank with his gun
This was my thought as I tormented Jesse
I had but one chance and that was to run
From my scumbag of a lawyer I heard
How to escape my past li-I-I-i-ife
Hid in a truck’s tank, the air there was so dank
Inside its bowels as away I did ride
Just as fast as, I
Could from New Mexican town of Alb ‘Querque
Out to a cabin in New Hampshire snow…
Read the whole thing.
Two hat tips to Vanderleun.
Seriously over-the-top parody trailer with loads of major stars making cameos.
Hat tip to Vanderleun.
Hat tip to James Harberson.
At Westeros Valley High, Prom Night is Coming.
Hat tip to Karen L. Myers.
—Tom Weller, Cvltvre Made Stvpid
Meanehwæl, baccat meaddehæle,
Fulle few too many drincce,
hie luccen for fyht.
son of Hrwærowþheororthwl,
Æsccen æwful jeork
to steop outsyd.
Þhud! Bashe! Crasch! Beoom!
Ðe bigge gye
Eallum his bon brak,
byt his nose offe;
wæld on his asse.
Monstær moppe fleor wyþ
eallum men in hælle.
Beowulf in bacceroome
fonecall bamaccen wæs;
Hearen sond of ruccus
sæd, “Hwæt ðe helle?”
Graben sheold strang
ond swich-blæd scharp
Stond feorth to fyht
ðe grimlic foe.
“Me,” Godsylla sæd,
“mac ðe minsemete.”
Heoro cwyc geten heold
wiþ fæmed half-nelson
Ond flyng him lic frisbe
bac to fen
Beowulf belly up
to meaddehæle bar,
Sæd, “Ne foe beaten
mie færsom cung-fu.”
yce-coeld, ðe reol þyng.
Hat tip to Karen L. Myres.
Hat tip to Theo and extra points for gender normative content.
Hat tip to Clarice Feldman.
Hat tip to Jose Guardia.