Category Archive 'Parody'
14 Dec 2009

A Cthulhu Xmas

Amusement, Christmas, Cookies, Cthulhu, H.P. Lovecraft, Humor, Parody, Traditions, Videos

line

Tired of those lame renditions of sacharine holiday songs blaring over the loudspeakers in every supermarket and mall? Jess Ruffner-Booth (who blogs about her own sighthounds at DemonPuppy), served up three Cthulhu carols to put one in a completely different kind of holiday spirit.

DEATH TO THE WORLD 2:05 video

Death to the world!

Cthulhu reigns.

The Great Old Ones Destroy

With wrath and doom, so cruel and foul,

Replete with obscene joy.

He rules the Earth with dreadful might,

And through our ghastly dreams

His twisting turning tentacles

Elicit from us maddened screams.

Cthulhu’s time has come.
—————————————————————————
IT’S THE MOST HORRIBLE TIME OF THE YEAR 1:20 video

With the nights getting longer,

The evil is stronger,

And there’s much to fear.

It’s the most horrible time of the year.

It’s the unhappiest season of all.

When your knuckles are whitening

From visions so frightening,

You must not recall:

It’s the unhappiest season of all.

Great Cthulhu is calling.

Insanity’s falling,

And cultists are roaming the land.

With darkness descending,

Our destiny’s bending

To forces we can’t understand.

It’s the most horrible time of the year.

There’ll be ritual killing

And omens fulfilling,

As Old Ones appear.

It’s the most horrible time of the year.

—————————————————————————

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE FISHMEN 1:40 video

It’s beginning to look a lot like fishmen

Everywhere I go.

From the minute I got to town,

And started to look around,

I thought these ill-bred peoples’ gill-slits showed.

I’m beginning to hear a lot of fishmen

Right outside my door.

As I try to escape in fright

To the moonlit inns with night,

I can hear some more.

They speak with guttural croaks

And to hear them provokes

A profound desire to flee.

Their eyes never blink,

And quite frankly they stink

Like a carcass washed up from the sea.

I wish I’d paid attention

To that crazy drunken man.

He tried to warn me all about

Old Marsh’s deep born clan.

It’s beginning to look a lot like fishmen

Everywhere I go.

They can dynamite devil reef,

But that will bring no relief.

Yhanthlei is deeper than they know!

I’ll continue to see a lot of fishmen.

That I guarantee.

For the fishman I really fear,

Is the one who’s in the mirror,

And he looks like me.

He looks just like me!
—————————————————————————

And, when I looked, I found lots more:

I SAW MOMMY KISSING YOG SOTHOTH 1:19 video

AWAY IN A MADHOUSE 1:14 video

AWAKE YE SCARY GREAT OLD ONES 1:28 video

CAROL OF THE OLD ONES 1:11 video

I’M DREAMING OF A DEAD CITY 3:24 video

O COME ALL YE OLD ONES 1:36 video

MI-GO WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH 1:16 video

FREDDIE THE RED-BRAINED MI-GO 1:25 video

HAVE YOURSELF A SCARY LITTLE SOLSTICE 2:30 video

THE CULTIST SONG 2:44 video

O CTHULHU 3:22 video

SILENT NIGHT, BLASPHEMOUS NIGHT 2:11 video

Not Xmas, but still, we have to link a few good ones from A Shoggoth on the Roof:

IF I WERE A DEEP ONE 4:34 video

BYAKHEE BYAKHEE 3:47 video

—————————————————————————

In case something slimier and more amorphous than Santa should come creeping down your chimney, you’ll want to be prepared with alternative-to-yourself refreshments.

BellyTimber offers a Cthulhu Xmas cookie recipe and templates(!).

Hat tip to Karen L. Myers.

21 Oct 2009

Pixar Parody

Humor, Parody, Pixar, Videos

line

That cute little Pixar lamp stomps the letter I in those opening credits, but you’ve never seen the full story.

1:32 video

Hat tip to Karen L. Myers.

17 Aug 2009

Democrat!

Allen Ginsburg, Amusement, Democrats, Gerard van der Leun, Humor, Parody

line


Democrat brooding over America

The late Susan Sontag, in her personal journals (undated 1957 lecture note, p.151), observed that modern leftism does not only, like Milton, make Satan into a hero, it actively embraces his cause.


One of the main strands in modern literature is diabolism—that is, self conscious inversion of moral values. This is not nihilism, the denial of moral values, but their inversion: still rule-bound, only now a ‘morality of evil’ instead of a ‘morality of good.’”

Gerard van der Ginsburg, at American Digest, pays tribute to the American party of diabolism with a new version of a familar beat poem, titled Growl.


What Socialist Party of cement and aluminum bashed open American skulls and sucked out their freedom, brains and imagination?

Democrat! Darwinist Solitude! NEA Filth! Pelosi Ugliness! Recycling Cans and unobtainable dollars! Children screaming silent under the D&C! Boys sobbing for Big Daddies! Old men weeping in the parks!

Democrat! Democrat! Nightmare of Democrat! Democrat the loveless! Gone mental Democrat! Democrat the heavy aggregator of girly-men!

Democrat the incomprehensible African-American plantation! Democrat the skull & crossbones soulless Senate and Congress of sorrows!

Democrat whose buildings are Fascist overbuilding with gun slits! Democrat the vast bloating stone of Deficit! Democrat the broke government of the pauper nation!

Democrat whose mind is pure machinery! Democrat whose blood is running tax money! Democrat whose fingers are in your wallet!

Democrat whose breast is a transexual dynamo! Democrat whose mouth is a smoking tomb! Democrat of the atheist thumb pulling out a plum and saying what a free to be bad boy am I! Democrat whose only god is Dracula!

Democrat whose eyes are a thousand broken windows! Democrat whose empty skyscrapers smolder in the long Detroit streets like endless Molochs! Democrat whose brains dream Utopia and choke in the fog of their flatulent dementia! Democrat whose smoking bongs and facial piercings crown the crapulous cities!

Democrat whose love is endless lube and lust! Democrat whose soul is welfare and affirmative racism! Democrat whose poverty is perpetual servitude to the government salad bar, no seconds!

Democrat whose only true Doctor and Cure is Kevorkian! Democrat whose foreign policy is a cloud of glowing Iranian hydrogen! Democrat whose whore is BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH!

Democrat in whom I once sat lonely! Democrat in whom I once dreamt the New Jerusalem! Crazy in Democrat! Sucker of crock in Democrat! Lacklove and deballed in Democrat!

30 Apr 2008

Thinnest Notebook Rejoinder Ad

Entertaining Commercials, Parody, Videos

line

MacBook Air ad 0:30 video

And Lenovo replies in favor of its X300 with 1:17 video

From Fake Steve via Karen L. Myers.

04 Nov 2007

Ann Coulter Fills in the Blanks

Amusement, Ann Coulter, Conservatism, Parody, Politics

line

Joel Stein wrote up a pre-fabricated all-purpose Ann Coulter column, including parenthetical spaces where Ann Coulter herself could supply the necessary inflammatory mot juste. He then sent it to her, and—sure enough—Ann Coulter obligingly filled in the blanks.


Liberals Are Wusses

By Ann Coulter

Can liberals really be that easily offended? Are their beliefs so fragile, their emotions so unstable, their [body part, plural] EYELASHES so [adjective] PRETTY, that my offhand remarks threaten to destroy their entire belief system?

Maybe this is because liberals don’t have a solid belief system. They don’t believe in the Bible. They don’t believe in the Constitution (you know, that piece of paper that Bill Clinton thought was for cleaning up [something messy] DEMOCRATSPOSITION ON NATIONAL SECURITY after he [verb, past tense] JITTERBUGGED. And they don’t believe in [book] “JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL.” So instead they believe in whatever feels good, whether that is engaging in [physical therapy] PILATES in the Oval Office, putting [noun] PUPPIES up their [body part] FINGERNAILS or spending [large sum of money] $1 ZILLION on [beauty regimen] FACE-WASHING like [lack of manliness] LIBERAL [male democrat] HILLARY CLINTON did when he visited [European city] LUXEMBOURG.

They may have no idea about good and evil—how could a group that hates [morally unimpeachable act] FEEDING THE POOR, thinks it’s a crime to place the Ten Commandments in [place] BOISE, IDAHO, and defines marriage as a union between two [noun, plural] BABY SEALS?—but they sure are good at telling people what you shouldn’t say. And what they don’t want said is anything that resembles truth. So they’re disgusted when I point out that the [Indian tribe] NAVAJO practice of celebrating [something gross] DEMOCRATSPOSITION ON ABORTION is endangering our children, or the fact that [percentage] 20% of [immigrant group] LATVIANS commit [horrendous crime] INCOME TAX within [number] SEVEN days of coming to our country illegally by [mode of transportation] GULFSTREAM JET.

When I was on [obscure cable news show] ANYTHING ON MSNBC, I mentioned to fellow guest [grumpy old white man] WALTER CRONKITE that, scientifically, men are [any number] 47 times more likely to accomplish [an incredible feat] A LIBERAL LISTENING POLITELY TO AN OPPOSING POINT OF VIEW than women, who should stay at home and focus on [obsolete chore] BUTTER CHURNING. When [New York Times columnist] FRANK RICH heard this, he bored himself writing [large number] A KAZILLION words about it, referring to me as a skinny, blond [adjective] PEPPY [animal] BEAGLE. The point here is that he called me skinny and blond.

So let the Democrats be offended by me. I consider their every objection a testament to my righteousness. After all, this is a party that’s about to choose [democratic presidential candidate] B. HUSSEIN OBAMA as their nominee—a person whose chief of staff is [made-up name] JOHN DOE, who spoke at rallies cosponsored by the [radical liberal group] WEATHERMEN protesting the [beloved institution] FOX NEWS CHANNEL, in which members [violent action] THROAT-SLIT the [beloved symbol] AMERICAN FLAG and supported guilty [cop killer who’s first name is Mumia] MUMIA ABU JAMAL. So while my Godless, liberal detractors are in hell with the [non-Christian group] MASONS, [ethnic group] ALEUTS, [occupation, plural] DOCTORS and [deceased Democrat] MIKE GRAVEL, I’ll be in heaven dying my hair and not eating. Because the one person I haven’t offended is God. And [a conservative or book publisher] RUSH LIMBAUGH.

28 Jun 2007

Derbyshire Updates Betjeman

Amusement, Congress, John Betjeman, Parody, Poetry

line

Today’s Congress evidently provoked John Derbyshire to update John Betjeman’s Slough. The Corner’s link simply never produced anything for me. The lovely and talented Dr. Sanity, however, both linked and quoted it. My thanks to her.


Come, friendly bombs, fall on D.C.!
It’s not fit for humanity.
There’s nothing there but villainy.
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs, and blow to kingdom come
Those pillared halls of tedium—
Hired fools, hired crooks, hired liars, hired scum,
Hired words, hired breath.

Mess up this mess they call a town—
A seat for twenty million down
And rights to the incumbent’s crown
For twenty years.

...
And smash his desk of polished oak
(Paid for by honest working folk
Toiling ‘neath taxation’s yoke)
And make him yell.

25 Apr 2006

Bible Rap

Humor, Music, Parody

line

Baby Got Book—- Rap, Evangelical-Christian-style. I haven’t got much use for Religion or Rap personally, but thought it was funny.

Your are browsing
the Archives of Never Yet Melted in the 'Parody' Category.