Category Archive 'Cthulhu'

07 Jun 2016

Why Choose the Lesser Evil?

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CthulhuNixon

Bill Kristol has not so far kept his promise of delivering a third party alternative to the unappetizing choices currently in the process of being nominated by the two major parties. The Washington Examiner, though, yesterday reported that there is currently at least on third party alternative better-qualified than Trump or Hillary: Cthulhu.

A group of people looking for an alternative to Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are encouraging people to consider the demon god Cthulhu as a write-in candidate for president in November.

Cthulhu was created in 1928 by writer H.P. Lovecraft in a short story called Call of Cthulhu. He is essentially a god, and is commonly depicted as a giant winged beast with tentacles for a beard.

At a time when both parties are looking for alternatives to Clinton and Trump, which both have high negative ratings among voters, a human-run campaign says Cthulhu should be seen as a viable option.

“Cthulhu has been running for the presidency throughout the decades in one form or another. Most Americans think it as a joke,” said Samir al-Azrad, press secretary for Cthulhu for America, in an email interview with the Washington Examiner. “And indeed, in more ‘civilized’ times, humanity has been mostly uninterested in the glory of a Cthulhu-driven apocalypse. But 2016 is turning out to be an excellent year to bring the word of Cthulhu to the masses.”

Stay abreast of the latest developments from nation’s capital and beyond with curated News Alerts from the Washington Examiner news desk and delivered to your inbox.

The Cthulhu movement is aiming to do the same thing Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol is hoping to do with David French: launch a third-party candidate who can provide a refreshing alternative to the two traditional parties.

If picking a candidate viewed as “the lesser evil” feels like a cop-out, Cthulhu represents the greatest evil of all, and does so proudly.

“Third-party candidacies are ascendant as the two major parties put forth the most hated candidates the nation has seen,” al-Azrad said. “We see a path to victory through this wreckage that will finally bring an end to the status quo. And life as we know it.”

Cthulhu for America is an organized entity with a functioning campaign website where people can track all the latest Cthulhu news, buy Cthulhu-related merchandise, or donate to the cause. The campaign currently has 25,100 Twitter followers, and has earned at least one famous endorsement thus far.

Hollywood director Guillermo del Toro, of “Hellboy” and “Pacific Rim” fame, declared his support on Twitter this week for the demon god.

Whole thing.

Cthulhu2016

15 Dec 2015

Why Settle for the Lesser Evil?

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Cthulhu2016

31 May 2014

Black Shoggoth to Shoggoth Four

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CthulhuChess

Monsters Domesticated‘s second unique Cthulhu Mythos chess set, described thusly:

This is a complete set of thirty-two hand-sculpted chess pieces, in a Lovecraftian vein. My first set made some (lucky?) fellow a very peculiar xmas present; this one is more madly elaborate still, and will strain the sanity of the stoutest soul.

A wholly hand-made labor of lunatic love, these pieces feature indescribable forces of madness and the grotesque. This might be the only way you can manipulate these alien deities without your own destruction being inevitable. If play with these pieces does, in fact, cost you your very reason, however, Monsters Domesticated can accept no responsibility.

We consider the black pieces to be the Cthulhoid forces, with dread Cthulhu itself as king, and menacing Dagon as swift and malevolent queen, and the mouldering green pieces to be led by Yog-Sothoth as king, in all its gibbering madness, and primordial Ubbo-Sathla as queen. Of course, you’re the cultist, so you’re entitled to assign whatever mythos iconography you like. The interpretations, fortunately for all life in this dimension, are loose.

The bishops of each side are mad alien priests, the knights grotesque mounts with vile curved spines, the rooks writhe horribly within their blasted towers. The black pawns are sinister, writhing spawn of dread Cthulhu, and the green pawns mocking little tentacular skulls.

Each piece was sculpted by hand and is absolutely unique. There is no mold, and this set will never be reproduced. (Although holders of a copy of the true Necronomicon might be able to convince these atrocities to reproduce themselves.)

This chess set is the perfect abomination for the Dark Strategist in your life. Get it before it lurches into sentience and destroys its creator.

Hat tip to James Harberson.

21 Mar 2013

“Hey There, Cthulhu”

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01 Dec 2011

Dr. Seuss’ s “Call of Cthulhu”

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14 Dec 2009

A Cthulhu Xmas

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Tired of those lame renditions of sacharine holiday songs blaring over the loudspeakers in every supermarket and mall? Jess Ruffner-Booth (who blogs about her own sighthounds at DemonPuppy), served up three Cthulhu carols to put one in a completely different kind of holiday spirit.

DEATH TO THE WORLD 2:05 video

Death to the world!

Cthulhu reigns.

The Great Old Ones Destroy

With wrath and doom, so cruel and foul,

Replete with obscene joy.

He rules the Earth with dreadful might,

And through our ghastly dreams

His twisting turning tentacles

Elicit from us maddened screams.

Cthulhu’s time has come.

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IT’S THE MOST HORRIBLE TIME OF THE YEAR 1:20 video

With the nights getting longer,

The evil is stronger,

And there’s much to fear.

It’s the most horrible time of the year.

It’s the unhappiest season of all.

When your knuckles are whitening

From visions so frightening,

You must not recall:

It’s the unhappiest season of all.

Great Cthulhu is calling.

Insanity’s falling,

And cultists are roaming the land.

With darkness descending,

Our destiny’s bending

To forces we can’t understand.

It’s the most horrible time of the year.

There’ll be ritual killing

And omens fulfilling,

As Old Ones appear.

It’s the most horrible time of the year.

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IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE FISHMEN 1:40 video

It’s beginning to look a lot like fishmen

Everywhere I go.

From the minute I got to town,

And started to look around,

I thought these ill-bred peoples’ gill-slits showed.

I’m beginning to hear a lot of fishmen

Right outside my door.

As I try to escape in fright

To the moonlit inns with night,

I can hear some more.

They speak with guttural croaks

And to hear them provokes

A profound desire to flee.

Their eyes never blink,

And quite frankly they stink

Like a carcass washed up from the sea.

I wish I’d paid attention

To that crazy drunken man.

He tried to warn me all about

Old Marsh’s deep born clan.

It’s beginning to look a lot like fishmen

Everywhere I go.

They can dynamite devil reef,

But that will bring no relief.

Yhanthlei is deeper than they know!

I’ll continue to see a lot of fishmen.

That I guarantee.

For the fishman I really fear,

Is the one who’s in the mirror,

And he looks like me.

He looks just like me!

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And, when I looked, I found lots more:

I SAW MOMMY KISSING YOG SOTHOTH 1:19 video

AWAY IN A MADHOUSE 1:14 video

AWAKE YE SCARY GREAT OLD ONES 1:28 video

CAROL OF THE OLD ONES 1:11 video

I’M DREAMING OF A DEAD CITY 3:24 video

O COME ALL YE OLD ONES 1:36 video

MI-GO WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH 1:16 video

FREDDIE THE RED-BRAINED MI-GO 1:25 video

HAVE YOURSELF A SCARY LITTLE SOLSTICE 2:30 video

THE CULTIST SONG 2:44 video

O CTHULHU 3:22 video

SILENT NIGHT, BLASPHEMOUS NIGHT 2:11 video

Not Xmas, but still, we have to link a few good ones from A Shoggoth on the Roof:

IF I WERE A DEEP ONE 4:34 video

BYAKHEE BYAKHEE 3:47 video

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In case something slimier and more amorphous than Santa should come creeping down your chimney, you’ll want to be prepared with alternative-to-yourself refreshments.

BellyTimber offers a Cthulhu Xmas cookie recipe and templates(!).

Hat tip to Karen L. Myers.

05 Jul 2008

Campaign News From R’lyeh Headquarters

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Uncle Cthulhu Wants You!

On Supreme Court Appointments:

Great Cthulhu is well accustomed to the adoration of priests wearing black robes and he is willing to accept the due homage of the Nine and raise them to his priesthood. Since there will no doubt be many vacancies on the court as their minds break one after another in the mad ecstacy of his fearful presence, Great Cthulhu pledges to appoint only strict Constitutional constructionists to the bench under the assumption that the basic sanity of their approach should allow them to serve at least a term year or two before they are reduced to gloriously gibbering cannibals. Because Great Cthulhu spent many years himself neither living nor breathing, he sees no reason that the Constitution must either.

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Hat tip to Will Wilson.

08 Feb 2008

Vote Elder Party

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Our candidate:

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