Category Archive 'Raccoon'

08 Oct 2016

US Navy Action Report

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usnavyaction

Hat tip to Vanderleun.

01 Jul 2014

That Dog Food is Safe

After all, we’re storing it in a sealed container.

From Retrieverman via Karen Myers.

13 Jun 2014

Seriously Sacked Out

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raccoonwindowbox
The original source seems to be a Russian collection of photographs of sleeping critters.

Via Madame Scherzo.

23 Jan 2014

Just a Few Years Down the Road…

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Ol’ Remus predicts what life will soon be like here on the farm.

There’s a rabid raccoon circling your livestock.

You go to your gun safe and enter your sixty-digit code, press the fingerprint-verification pad, put your eye to the retina reader, wait for the Instant Background Check, open the safe and get out the .22 single shot rifle, unlock the child safety lock and remove it, install the bolt in the rifle, take two rounds of ammo from your legal nine round supply, chamber the legal maximum of one round, enter the serial numbers of both rounds and their removal time on your web-based log. You close the gun safe, reactivate all the security and run out the door.

You dispatch said rabid raccoon. He was moving slow.

Back to the gun safe, enter your code, fingerprint pad, retina reader, open the safe, remove the bolt and store it, reinstall the child safety lock and replace the rifle, log the replacement time, verify the serial numbers of the expended rounds and close the gun safe. Then down to the State Police to turn in the fired cases, get fingerprinted, get a blood test and have an ankle bracelet installed.

Next day an official container arrives. You take the required raccoon parts from your freezer and the twelve-page notarized incident report, attach photos, an annotated map, your blood test results, the standard request for two rounds to be credited to your ammo allotment, and send it all in. Your ankle bracelet won’t be removed and your gun safe won’t be reopened until the incident report is approved. It’s just common sense.

Your case involves the taking of a cute animal for non-game purposes and so it wends its way through local, county, state and federal law enforcement agencies. A hearing is scheduled requiring your presence at a city three hundred and eighty miles away. Your name is now on the no-fly list so you drive. You make your case to the review board.

Read the whole thing.

Hat tip to Vanderleun.

17 Nov 2013

Masked Bandit

Hat tip to Ratak Monodosico.

28 Oct 2013

Ninja Raccoons Always Hunt in Packs

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16 Aug 2013

Raccoon Literally Runs on Water

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When a large alligator comes after him on a raft. Trail Cam Photos

It is amazing what the proper motivation can accomplish, isn’t it?

01 Aug 2013

Don’t You Dance With Your Raccoon?

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20 Jul 2013

Masked Robbery

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20 Nov 2011

Free Raccoon Coat

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Just tape bread and other left-overs acquired in dumpsters to the outside of your clothing and lie down in the evening in the suburbs. Ignore the fleas.

Hat tip to Vice via Vanderleun.

28 Jul 2007

Masked Bandit Videotaped in Burglary

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1:06 video

27 May 2007

European Raccoons’ Nazi Past

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Washington Post:

In 1934, top Nazi party official Hermann Goering received a seemingly mundane request from the Reich Forestry Service. A fur farm near here was seeking permission to release a batch of exotic bushy-tailed critters into the wild to “enrich the local fauna” and give bored hunters something new to shoot at.

Goering approved the request and unwittingly uncorked an ecological disaster that is still spreading across Europe. The imported North American species, Procyon lotor, or the common raccoon, quickly took a liking to the forests of central Germany. Encountering no natural predators — and with hunters increasingly called away by World War II — the woodland creatures fruitfully multiplied and have stymied all attempts to prevent them from overtaking the Continent. …

Raccoons have crawled across the border to infest each of Germany’s neighbors and now range from the Baltic Sea to the Alps. Scientists say they have been spotted as far east as Chechnya. British tabloids have warned that it’s only a matter of time until the “Nazi raccoons” cross the English Channel. …

The Germans call them Waschbaeren, or “wash bears,” because they habitually wash their paws and douse their food in water.


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