New York and Washington have very different local industries, career opportunities, and local cultures. Their mores are naturally also distinctly different. Cultures, too, change dramatically over time and the world of today’s Zoomers is nothing like my generation’s or my parent’s generations.

New York Magazine illustrates the point with this rather elaborate, and decidedly Woke, guide to the rules of proper conduct in today’s Gotham. It’s apparently perfectly proper to ghost someone after one date.

45. White people should always clearly pronounce 50 Cent.

He’s not “Fiddy” for you.

46. Being an ally doesn’t mean debasing yourself.

Oh, look, you’re the center of attention again!

In a bit from 2022, the stand-up comedian Sureni Weerasekera describes a common interaction she had while living in Oakland. “White people meet me there and they’ll crumble like feta,” she says. “They’ll be like, ‘You’re a woman of color? How do I take up less space?’” — like their back goes bad, they get scoliosis, they go into fight-or-flight mode. I’m like, ‘Me and my girlfriend, like, we’re cool, like you don’t gotta be weird about it,’ and they’re like, ‘AND YOU’RE A QUEER? HOW DO I STOP EXISITING? HOW DO I CEASE TO EXIST? I’M SO SORRY.’”

We get it: You’ve Done the Work, you’ve Listened and Learned, you’ve purchased a copy of How to Be an Ally, and maybe you’ve even read it. But constantly reminding others that you understand how much more privilege you have than they do is — in addition to being an example of the dreaded “virtue signaling” — just condescending. …

48. You can recover from misgendering someone.

A classic good response: “Thanks for correcting me.” Then take the initiative to push the conversation forward. After the moment has passed, you may feel the urge to get more time with the person you misgendered, either to secure their forgiveness or to assure them (and yourself, let’s be honest) that you’re an ally. Resist it! Don’t, for example, remind them of your progressive bona fides (“My best friend is trans!”), and don’t find them later to apologize some more.

49. And if you see someone being misgendered, say something.

A simple “[Name] uses the pronouns they/them” will do.

RTWT

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Politico was inspired by the New York Magazine article to try to do the same for DC.

Make sure you address former bigwigs appropriately, especially in public.

If someone has ever been elected or appointed to anything, ever, they are to be addressed by that title going forward — a requirement that does not expire at death. And if they’ve held numerous senior roles, you are to address them by the most senior title they’ve ever had. (When Andrew Card was George W. Bush’s chief of staff, everyone called him Secretary Card, because he had previously been secretary of Transportation, a position that is technically higher than a chief of staff in the executive branch, even if the chief of staff is the second most powerful person in the White House (not counting the vice president).)

Things get confusing when you’re addressing someone who used to be a senator and an ambassador, like Max Baucus, who was a long-time senator from Montana and also served as ambassador to China — the right move then is to pick one or the other, but you can’t go wrong by sticking with the legislative title, which the person did earn, after all, by winning an election. And yes, that person who cheerfully told you “call me Ted” in the greenroom fully expects to be “Senior Deputy Assistant Commissioner” the minute you’re in front of other people.

Don’t overdo it on sympathy if you run into someone who’s just lost an election.

Play it cool. They might have lost, but you don’t have to make them feel like a loser. If they’ve had a long career, say, “Well you’ve had a helluva run.” If their public life is being cut short, say, “Well, it was just a crazy cycle.” …

If you’re a conservative on a dating app, own it.

Don’t be the guy or girl who puts “moderate” when you’re actually very conservative. Nobody likes false advertising, especially in a city where political identity trumps all. …

Keep virtue-signaling at a minimum.

We know you try to avoid Uber as much as possible, tip wait staff very, very well and even think all the new tipping add-ons are long overdue. But this is a deep-blue city, where progressives are very committed and outspoken. We’ve heard it all before. So you can keep your tipping and transportation habits to yourself and move on.

Learn the polite way to dodge people — and don’t take it personally when someone blows you off.

“Let’s get lunch” or “Let’s get drinks over recess” is how people sign off here. They likely don’t mean it. If they do, they’ll follow up with a date and time.