Chesty Puller

“Where the Hell do you put the bayonet?”

– Chesty Puller, on first seeing a flamethrower

Badass of the week has a nice tribute to greatest-Marine-of-all-time Chesty Puller.

Lewis Puller, nicknamed “Chesty” because of his perfect posture and the fact that his torso somewhat resembled a full-size beer keg full of lead bricks, raw muscle and horse steroids, was a hard-as-**** ************ who is almost universally-recognized as the most badass dude to ever wear the uniform of the United States Marine Corps. Not bad, considering that being revered as the pinnacle of toughness by the USMC is kind of like being King of the Vikings or the toughest Klingon to ever set foot on the planet Kronos. In his thirty-seven years of service to the Corps, Puller would rise through the ranks from Private to General, kick more asses than Juan Valdez on an insane bender, and become the most decorated Marine in American history. …

On the night of 24 October 1942, 700 men of the 1/7 were positioned in a thin, mile-long line, defending an American airfield that was critical for the success of the Guadalcanal operation. They suddenly came under an intense onslaught from the seasoned men of the Japanese 17th Army, who came charging full-speed at the U.S. positions. For over three hours in the middle of the night, Chesty Puller ran up and down the U.S. lines directing his men and giving orders to his company commanders. When the smoke cleared the next morning, the hard-fighting men of the 1st Marines had killed 1,400 of the enemy and captured seventeen trucks loaded with weapons and PlayStations while sustaining fewer than 70 casualties. Before he would leave Guadalcanal, Puller would be shot twice by snipers and hit once with shrapnel from an exploding mortar round, but none of that bullshit would slow him down because he had well over 200 hit points thanks to his 18 Constitution score and the fact that he was a Level 15 Marine Commander. Shit, ****ing Admiral Yamamoto himself could have swooped in on a giant ****ing red dragon that breathed fire right in Puller’s ****ing face and Chesty would have just casually dusted himself off, broken the dragon’s neck, and hurled the Admiral into an active volcano.

BOTW omits mentioning that the Marines on Guadalcanal had been abandoned by the US Navy, which had withdrawn to protect its carriers, and 6000 out-of-supply marines were facing a reinforced 30,000 Japanese. There was no gas for the marine’s airplanes, so Chesty Puller ordered the pilots to position the fighter planes so that their machine guns would be bearing on the Japanese line of attack on his position.

The Marines were still using bolt-action 1903 Springfields, which were relatively slow to reload, and they prepared themselves to break human-wave banzai charges by equipping themselves with extra magazines for their 1911 Colt .45 pistols.