Russians helped Donald Trump win this years US election, assassinated John F. Kennedy in 1963 and hid Saddam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) confirmed today.
President Barack Obama ordered intelligence agencies to review cyber attacks and foreign intervention into the 2016 US election and deliver a report before he left office, and was astounded at what the civilian foreign intelligence service of the United States federal government found.
“The Russians are to blame for everything wrong with America today,†Mr. Obama pointed out, reading from a ten page report into the CIA findings, “We didn’t know until now how much the Russian’s have influenced this whole planet over the last 50 years. Thankfully the CIA have accumulated all this evidence in just a matter of weeks, which is an incredible feat considering how long they took to find Osama Bin Laden, who we now believe was also backed by Russiaâ€.
Furthermore, the intelligence agency also found that Russia was also responsible for several coups around the world, including Libya, Venezuela and may have orchestrated the 911 attacks on New York, the Pentagon and probably created the Zika virus while it was at it.
“Russia is really, really bad and they support Donald Trump,†a CIA spokesman confirmed in a brief statement, “Don’t ask us how we know all this because we can’t tell you as it’s very, very top secret; you will just have to trust us and take our word for it,†adding “We would never deliver fake news… not even onceâ€.
Seattle Sam
Remember. Russians trying to influence US elections is wrong. Americans trying to influence Israeli elections was admirable.
Seattle Sam
Have you noticed how much more confident about CIA intel Democrats have become in the last week?
T. Shaw
The supposed Russian election “hacking” is inconsequential.
Arguably, Russian (and Wikileaks) hackers do the work that professional liars at the establishment media refuse to do.
Most importantly, outside the liberal fever swamps, no one cares what the incompetent, politicized CIA, FBI, DoJ, IRS, et al do or say.
Obama spent eight years weaponizing the federal bureaucracy. Now, President Trump will either reform it or wield it. Thank God Hillary can’t deploy it against we the people.
GoneWithTheWind
When I worked with top secret data and computers I worked inside a Faraday cage and the system could not be connected to insecure lines. I do not understand how anyone could hack anything that is important. It shouldn’t be connected to the interent. It should never be in an insecure environment.
In fact I would go one step further and say that not only shouldn’t critical information be available to hacked by Russia and China but we should also set up phony information so that the Chinese and Russian programs using hacked information would fail, hopefully in a flash of light and noise.
Kneale
I tried to use Hillarys “the rooskies made me lie” excuse with my wife last night. I’ll be up and around in a week or two.
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