Jenny Colgan reviews John Irving’s latest in the world-edition Spectator.
Some time ago I was a guest at a book festival in France where we were invited to dinner in the town hall with local dignitaries. I was asked if I liked asparagus. I do, I said, thinking of delicious green spears. Good, said the woman in charge, as it was the asparagus season. I was then presented with an enormous plate of leek-sized white asparagus with a tiny dab of hollandaise on the side, and then expected to eat my way through essentially a fibrous albino python as the dignitaries looked on expectantly. It was a long evening.
I mention this because that’s basically what the experience of reading this book is like. A fellow reviewer demurred and said, no, it’s more akin to dragging your broken leg down a mountain, à la Touching the Void.
Oddly enough, I was recently re-reading Proust, and in the course of some endless and interminable rhapsodic descriptions of French food, I found myself marveling over his expression of preference for great big, thick asparagus. The large version, in my experience, is always woody or soggy. We avoid it and seek out the young, small shoots. The French are weird, and John Irving is a terrible author.

Hairless Joe
According to my brother, who traveled to Germany frequently on business, white asparagus is very popular there. (I think of it as “blind cave asparagus” and avoid it in favor of the fresh green kind, quickly sauteed in garlic butter.)
Like asparagus’ albino cousin, it seems that John Irving has spent a long time in the dark, haunted by the ghosts of John Updike and Philip Roth. It has not improved him and at this point any exposure to sunshine might well be fatal.
McChuck
Spargel, or white asparagus, is grown under sheets. The tender young shoots are harvested in May. They are expensive, and they are delicious, and they are only available fresh for two or three weeks per year. The canned stuff is not nearly as good.
I’ve no idea how the French abuse the poor things. The Germans know to fry them in butter and serve them with schnitzel.
Bones
Yes. Thank you. I agree completely. About white asparagus, and the works of John Updike.
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Reading reviews like this reminds me of my own mixed experiences with literary works that try too hard to be vivid but end up overwhelming the reader. Once, I tackled a novel filled with such elaborate descriptions that it felt like wading through a swamp. Sometimes, less is more in storytelling. That said, after a long read, I found that taking a break with some light, engaging entertainment helps reset the mind. For anyone looking for something fun and lively after a dense book, I’d suggest checking out Sprunki, which offers a great way to relax and unwind.
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Interesting review! Colgan’s asparagus analogy is hilarious! Seems like “The Last Chairlift” is a challenging read, perhaps even mind-numbing. Maybe a little Block Blast puzzle game in between chapters could help break up the monotony?
Yan Wang
The leek-sized white asparagus with one brave dab of hollandaise made me laugh, because we have had dinners where the polite face did more work than the fork. My friend and I took KnowUsWell and it caught that exact split: she would praise the fibrous albino python, while I would start planning an escape route. Did Irving’s book feel more like the asparagus plate to you, or the broken-leg mountain image?
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The book-note framing works when it critiques the prose, not just shocks with the headline. https://nanoaimaker.com/
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The asparagus anecdote is a nice framing for Jenny Colgan’s review, since Irving’s sprawling fiction has always had that same excess—more than anyone actually asked for. I remember wrestling with A Prayer for Owen Meany years ago and feeling both exhausted and grateful. Whether The Last Chairtrip earns its length seems to depend on how much patience a reader has left for his obsessions at this point in his career. Image Editor AI: Free, No Sign
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Wow, what a vivid way to describe that book. Seems like Irving’s work is a chore to get through, huh? If you’re into creative visuals, check out this animation resource—might help to spice up those boring reads a bit. AI Animated Logo Maker
Wan
It’s interesting that the review zeroes in on the sheer volume and quality of the sex scenes. Given Irving’s long career, do you think this book reflects a deliberate shift in how he writes intimacy, or just a case where the editing let him off the leash?
Mia Roberts
That line about badly written intimacy scenes is a fair critique — tone and craft really decide whether the scene lands. https://sprunkiphase.net/
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That line about badly written intimacy scenes is a fair critique — tone and craft really decide whether the scene lands. https://hoopcade.com/
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This review captures the frustrating yet oddly mesmerizing experience of reading overly elaborate writing—like that asparagus scene, where the description feels more like a burden than a delight. It’s a reminder that sometimes less is truly more, especially when it comes to narrative pacing and emotional impact. If you’re looking to turn words into vivid, audiovisual stories with seamless dialogue and sound, makes it effortless—just type a line, upload a reference, and get a polished 4-to-1 MiniMax H3 AI Video Generator
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That story about the massive leek-sized white asparagus at the town hall dinner is so relatable— I’ve had that exact awkward forced eating moment before.
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That story about the giant leek-sized white asparagus at the French town hall dinner made me snort—what a hilariously awkward food moment!
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That story about the giant leek-sized white asparagus at the French town hall book festival dinner is so relatable—total awkward meal vibes!
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The “Incredible Amount of Horribly Described Sex” post is classic Never Yet Melted tone—sharp and a bit arch. For bookmarking long essays with a scan target I also use https://morphq.com/.
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This review hilariously compares reading John Irving’s latest novel to an unpleasant experience with giant white asparagus, a sentiment many readers can likely relate to when encountering overly descriptive or lengthy passages in a book.
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The vivid description of the asparagus dinner paints a memorable and slightly absurd scene, highlighting how cultural experiences can be both intriguing and challenging. It makes me wonder how often such unexpected moments shape our understanding of different traditions animated logos.
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The asparagus analogy in that review is painfully accurate for certain reading experiences. As someone who works with AI image generation daily, I appreciate when writing is clear and visually precise rather than bloated with excessive detail. Great tools should streamline creativity, not bury it under layers of unnecessary description. If you’re into photography or digital art, you might find value in exploring how AI can handle photo editing more efficiently and intuitively than traditional methods. Sometimes getting straight to the point—in both writing and image creation—produces the most striking results. Thanks for sharing this thoughtful critique; it definitely sparked some ideas about how we approach visual storytelling today.
pollo
This review perfectly captures how some books just overwhelm you with excessive detail. I totally get that feeling of wading through something that could have been trimmed down. When I need a break from dense reading, I usually switch to visual tools that help me think more clearly. For anyone who enjoys creative expression without the literary heaviness, I’ve been using an AI image generator that’s surprisingly good for brainstorming concepts. It’s a nice palate cleanser after a challenging book. If you’re curious, check it out at ImgEditor — it might offer a refreshing change of pace.
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This review had me laughing — the asparagus metaphor is spot-on for those books that just keep going long after you’ve lost interest. It reminds me of how important clarity and pacing are, whether you’re telling a story or creating content. That’s actually why I’ve been experimenting with tools that cut through the noise. If you’re ever looking to turn simple product images into polished video ads without the fuss, I found a handy resource at GenVideo. It’s a refreshing way to get your message across cleanly, without all the extra “fiber.”
Draft82-0
I appreciate the honesty in this review. It’s always refreshing to see a critic not hold back. I’ve always been a fan of John Irving, but this makes me question my taste. Maybe I should give this one a miss. https://draft82-0.com/
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