Mark Steyn reflects upon the entrapment of Larry Craig.
My general philosophy on public restrooms was summed up by the late Derek Jackson, the Oxford professor and jockey, in his advice to a Frenchman about to visit Britain. â€œNever go to a public lavatory in London,â€ warned Professor Jackson. â€œI always pee in the street. You may be fined a few pounds for committing a nuisance, but in a public lavatory you risk two years in prison because a policeman in plain clothes says you smiled at him.â€
Just so. Sergeant Karsnia is paid by the police department to sit in a stall in the menâ€™s room all day, like a spider waiting for the flies. The Baron von Richthoven of the Minneapolis Bathroom Patrol has notched up a phenomenal number of kills and knows what to look for â€” the tapping foot in the adjoining stall, a hand signal under the divider. Did you know that tapping your foot in a bathroom was a recognized indicator that a criminal act is about to occur? Donâ€™t take your i-Pod in with you! Or, if you do, make sure youâ€™re listening to the Singing Senators: Hard to tap your foot to â€œSweet Adeline,â€ and if you do itâ€™s unlikely to be in a manner sufficiently frenzied to attract the attention of the adjoining constables.
What else is a giveaway that youâ€™re a creep and a pervert seeking loveless anonymous sex? Well, according to Sergeant Karsnia, when the Senator entered the stall, he placed his wheelie bag against the door, which (according to the official complaint) â€œSgt Karsniaâ€™s experience has indicated is used to attempt to conceal sexual conduct by blocking the view from the front of the stallâ€.
No doubt. But, if you use the menâ€™s room at the airport, where are you meant to put your carry-on? Thereâ€™s not many other places in a bathroom stall other than against the door, unless Minneapolis is planning on mandating overhead bins in every cubicle. In happier times, one would have offered some cheery urchin sixpence to keep an eye on oneâ€™s bags. But today if you go to the airport bathroom and say to some lad, â€œWould you like to take care of my wheelie for five minutes?â€, youâ€™ll be looking at 30 years in the slammer.
Iâ€™ve no doubt Senator Craig went to that bathroom looking for sex. Listen to the tape of his encounter with Sergeant Karsnia and then imagine, as Jonah Goldberg suggested, how the conversation would go if Senators McCain or Webb had been in that stall and were accused of brushing shoes with the flatfoot. Not being privy to the codes of the privy, it would take â€˜em 15 minutes even to figure out what Sarge was accusing â€˜em of and, when it became clear, the conversation would erupt in a blizzard of asterisks and, shortly thereafter, fists. Instead, Senator Craig copped a plea. Because of that, he should disappear from public life as swiftly as possible and embrace full time the anonymity he cherishes in his sexual encounters. Not, as the left urges, on grounds of â€œhypocrisyâ€ â€” because heâ€™s a â€œfamily valuesâ€ politician who opposes â€œgay marriageâ€ yet trawls for rough trade in menâ€™s rooms. A measure of hypocrisy is necessary to a functioning society. Itâ€™s quite possible, on the one hand, to be opposed to the legalization of prostitution yet, on the other, to pull your hat down over your brow every other Tuesday and sneak off to the cat house on the other side of town. Your inability to live up to your own standards does not, in and of itself, nullify them. The Left gives the impression that a Republican senator caught in a whorehouse ought immediately to say, â€œYouâ€™re right. I should have supported earmarks for hookers in the 2005 appropriations bill.â€ Thatâ€™s the reason why sex scandals take down Republicans but not Democrats: Sex-wise, the Leftâ€™s standards are that whateverâ€™s your bag is cool â€” which is the equivalent of no standards. Thus, Monica Lewinsky was a â€œgrown womanâ€ free to make her own decisions on the carpet of the Oval Office. Without agreed â€œmoral standardsâ€, all you have is the law. When itâ€™s no longer clear something is wrong, all you can do is make it illegal.
And so we have the bizarre situation of a United States senator convicted of the crime of brushing his foot and placing his carry-on luggage in the only available space of a menâ€™s room stall. Larry Craig feebly accused Sergeant Karsnia of â€œentrappingâ€ him but, in fact, the officer didnâ€™t even need to entrap him into anything other than an allegedly intrusive shoe movement. Thatâ€™s a crime? On the tape, Craig sounds sad and pathetic, a prominent man cornered in a sordid transaction. Yet Karsnia sounds just as weird and creepy: a guy whoâ€™s paid to sit in a bathroom stall for hours on end observing adjoining ankles. Iâ€™d rather hand out traffic tickets.
Mark R. Levin offers some bitter remarks.
Today some Republicans pat themselves on the back for their â€œcourageousâ€ stand against liberal charges of hypocrisy as they were early in their denunciation of Craig. Now, these would be the same liberals who show routinely their hypocrisy embracing Bill Clinton (accused of rape), Barney Frank (accused of allowing his home to be used for male prostitution), and the late Gerry Studds (who had sex repeatedly with a seventeen-year-old page). These Republicans fear the â€œculture of corruptionâ€ label the liberals have assigned them and arenâ€™t quite sure how to respond to it. Mostly, they refuse to fire back by highlighting the numerous examples of demonstrable sleaze involving William Jefferson (alleged bribe), Alan Mollohan (alleged self-dealing), John Murtha (earmarks related to his brother), Dianne Feinstein (her husband profiting from military contracts), Hillary Clinton (Norman Hsu, et al), and, of course, the aforementioned Clinton, Frank, and Studds examples.
There is indeed a culture of corruption, and it extends well beyond any single politician. It swirls around big government. It always has and it always will.
Hat tip to Richard Falknor.