30 Apr 2009

Cruising for Pirates


(Viral email humor of the day:)

Subject: Calling all hunters!

NEW…East African Cruise Package

We have put together a special East African Cruise Package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania).

The cost is a bit high @ $800 per person double occupancy. What we found encouraging and enlightened is that the cruise is encouraging tourists to bring their own ‘high-powered weapons’ along on the cruise.

If you don’t have weapons, you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon.

The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights. All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates.

Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package:
– $800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)

– M-16 full auto rental $25.00/day – ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at $15.95

– Ak-47 rifle @ No charge – ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at $14.95

– Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper rifle rental $55.00/day – 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at $9.95/each

Crew members can double as spotters for $30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).

Far Out —- they even offer RPG’s at $75 and $200 for 3 standard loads or “MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire”

“Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am.”

– Meals are not included but are reasonable.
– Most cruises offer a mini-bar.

Group rates and corporate discounts. Partial money back guarantee if not satisfied. “We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money back including gun rental charges and any unused ammo ( mini gun charges not included).

How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted hijacking does not occur, we will turn the boat around and cruise at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly.

Reserve your package before May 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice.”

As if all that isn’t enough to wet your appetite, there were a few testimonials:

“I’ll never hunt big game in Africa again.”
Lars – Hamburg Germany

“Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected.”
Ned – Salt Lake City, Utah USA

“I haven’t had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM.”
“Chopper’ Dan —-Toledo USA.

“Like ducks in a barrel. This is a must do.—
Zeke – Minnahaw Springs, Kentucky USA

Sign up now…don’t miss this opportunity! ! ! ! !


Hat tip to Henry Bernatonis.

2 Feedbacks on "Cruising for Pirates"


The Deadliest Catch…

Ex-Dem in Mich

Geez, you sound like those right-wing extremists Janet Napolitano has been warning us about!

If this cruise was for real, you’d have to have a second or third boat (at least) since you’d have so many folks who would want to go!


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