Now that the Boy Scouts of America has opened its membership door to 10-and-11-year-olds who have concluded that they are Gay, the determination of Americans’ sexual identity is being made earlier and earlier, as The Onion reports:

EDMOND, OK—Following weeks of deliberation during which he carefully considered what sort of life he wanted for himself, 4-month-old baby Nathan Reynolds announced Wednesday that he had decided to be homosexual.

“I thought about it for a long time,” said Reynolds, who took into account both how his peers would view him and how he would be treated by society at large before determining his sexual orientation. “I weighed the pros and cons of homosexuality, and ultimately I decided that it was the right thing for me.”