James Delingpole has been arguing with lefies, and has learned a great deal about himself from them.
I think itâ€™s time you learned a bit more about me. Be warned, it isnâ€™t pretty.
Basically, my sex life is a mess. Iâ€™ve never had a successful relationship with women, owing to the fact that Iâ€™m misogynistic, immature and a braying right-winger with a face like a horse. And we havenâ€™t even got on to the size of my penis yet which, as you can well imagine, is minuscule.
Then thereâ€™s my unfortunate educational background. Youâ€™d think it would be an advantage having had an excellent private education at Malvern followed by a stint reading English at Oxford. But God, you couldnâ€™t be more wrong. From public school all I learned is arrogance and a sense of entitlement and a lofty disdain for the poor while my English degree, being a mere â€œhumanityâ€, is worthless and leaves me especially ill-qualified to comment on any issue which has to do with science.
And itâ€™s not just that Iâ€™m ignorant about science, either. Iâ€™m actually anti-science. Perhaps itâ€™s all the money Iâ€™m paid by Big Oil, perhaps itâ€™s because Iâ€™m mentally ill, or perhaps itâ€™s just because Iâ€™m plain evil but, would you believe it, Iâ€™m on a personal mission to disseminate ignorance by deliberately distorting the truth about issues like climate change because it doesnâ€™t accord with my selfishness and greed and refusal to alter my rapacious lifestyle for the common good.
Did I mention my mental illness? I think I did but it really canâ€™t be mentioned often enough. Iâ€™m sick, warped, perverted â€“ not to mention stupid, childish, puerile, irresponsible, silly, flippant, sexist, racist, disablist â€“ and totally wrong in the head. Itâ€™s all down to the lack of love I received as a child, which turned me into a rampant attention seeker. The kind of upbringing I have scarcely bears thinking about but what we can say with confidence is this: the values imparted to me by my parents were so perverse that they created the veritable monster I am today.