Mallory Ortberg has another episode of Harry Potter as written by Ayn Rand.
â€œThe Ministry of Magic has fallen,â€ Neville said in despair.
Harry laughed long and loud. â€œYou should not mourn the government,â€ he told Neville. â€œThe state has never shed a tear for you. Why waste your tears on it?â€
He picked up his wand. â€œFor my part, I withdrew my consent to be governed years ago. Taxation is destroying private resources.â€ A smile played across Harryâ€™s lips. â€œI hope they destroyed the national bank, while they were at it. I should like to see the goblins of Gringotts face their real enemy â€” deregulation.â€
HERE LIES DOBBY, the stone read, A FREE ELF.
Underneath, in slightly smaller letters, it continued: What is the basic, the essential, the crucial principle that differentiates freedom from slavery? It is the principle of voluntary action versus physical coercion or compulsion. Freedom, in a political context, has only one meaning: the absence of physical coercion. It does not mean freedom from the landlord, or freedom from the employer, or freedom from the laws of nature which do not provide men with automatic prosperity. It means freedom from the coercive power of the stateâ€”and nothing else. If one upholds freedom, one must uphold manâ€™s individual rights; if one upholds manâ€™s individual rights, one must uphold his right to his own life, to his own liberty, to the pursuit of his own happinessâ€”which means: one must uphold a political system that guarantees and protects these rightsâ€”which means: the politico-economic system of capitalism. Intellectual freedom cannot exist without political freedom; political freedom cannot exist without economic freedom; a free mind and a free market are corollaries. Since knowledge, thinking, and rational action are properties of the individual, since the choice to exercise his rational faculty or not depends on the individual, manâ€™s survival requires that those who think be free of the interference of those who donâ€™t. Since men are neither omniscient nor infallible, they must be free to agree or disagree, to cooperate or to pursue their own independent course, each according to his own rational judgment. Freedom is the fundamental requirement of manâ€™s mind. A rational mind does not work under compulsion; it does not subordinate its grasp of reality to anyoneâ€™s orders, directives, or controls; it does not sacrifice its knowledge, its view of the truth, to anyoneâ€™s opinions, threats, wishes, plans, or â€œwelfare.â€ Such a mind may be hampered by others, it may be silenced, proscribed, imprisoned, or destroyed; it cannot be forced; a wand is not an argument. It is from the work and the inviolate integrity of such mindsâ€”from the intransigent innovatorsâ€”that all of mankindâ€™s knowledge and achievements have come. It is to such minds that mankind owes its survival.
The gravestone was seven and a half feet tall.
NINETEEN YEARS LATER
â€œIâ€™m taking the children down the Platform 9 3/4s to see them off to school,â€ Ginny said to Harry. â€œWant to come?â€
â€œI build trains,â€ Harry said, adjusting his hat so that the brim sat low over one eye, â€œI donâ€™t watch children board them.â€
Ginny respected him for it.