26 Feb 2016

How To Tell If You’re In a Flannery O’Connor Story

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From The Toast:

You are over 75 and you hate every person you’ve ever met, or else you’re 14 and you’ve just seen something horrible. …

At least one of your front teeth is missing, and you think you look marvelous.

Something dreadful happened at the rest stop. …

Ever since you returned from the North, you take enormous pride in being both unmarried and ugly. …

None of the children you know have been bathed in the last week.

You are sitting on public transportation across from a total stranger. It is obvious to everyone onboard that he hates you. …

You are indifferent to the murder you’ve just committed.

Your relationship with your adult children is fraught and unpleasant, possibly because of the Civil War.

You are trying to get to Atlanta.

In Retrospect, We Shouldn’t Have Pulled the Car Over

You suspect a Baptist is lying to you. …

Everyone who moved to town before you is a saint.

Everyone who moved to town after you is a scourge.

A close relative was horribly disfigured in a hunting accident. Everyone agrees she had it coming.


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