Tom O’Donnell, in the New Yorker, has fun satirizing police work in an imaginary libertarian future. Libertarians like myself will enjoy it anyway. Get those central bankers!
I was shooting heroin and reading â€œThe Fountainheadâ€ in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
â€œBad news, detective. We got a situation.â€
â€œWhat? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?â€
â€œWorse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollarsâ€™ worth of bitcoins.â€
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. â€œWhat kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?â€
â€œNot yet. But mark my words: weâ€™re going to figure out who did this and weâ€™re going to take them down â€¦ provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.â€
â€œEasy, chief,â€ I said. â€œAny rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.â€
He laughed. â€œThatâ€™s why youâ€™re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.â€
â€œDonâ€™t worry,â€ I said. â€œIâ€™m on it.â€
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.