Mallory Ortberg imagines how the saga might have read if Ayn Rand had written Harry Potter.
â€œGive me your wand, boy,â€ Voldemort hissed.
â€œI cannot do that. This wand represents my wealth, which is itself a tangible result of my achievements. Wealth is the product of manâ€™s capacity to think,â€ Harry said bravely.
â€œThere is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.â€
Voldemort began to melt. Harry lit a cigarette, because he was the master of fire.
â€œThe smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities. The minimum wage is a tax on the successful. The market will naturally dictate the minimum wage without the government stepping in to determine arbitrary limits.â€
â€œIâ€™m going to sell copies of my wand at an enormous markup,â€ Harry said, â€œand you can buy one like everyone else.â€
Voldemort had been defeated.
â€œHe hated us for our freedom,â€ Ron said.
â€œNo, Ron,â€ Harry said. â€œHe hated us for our free markets.â€
Hermione ached with desire for the both of them to master her, but nobody paid her any attention. They had empires to build.
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