31 Mar 2016

Donald Trump’s Gettysburg Address

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If Trump, instead of Lincoln, had given the Gettysburg Address (via Kevin M. Levin):

It was a long time ago – I don’t think anyone can even remember, but I can remember, I have a great memory, I’ve got the best memory ever. These guys, they made the most special thing, really, really special. Where everyone was free and everything was great, just the way I’ve made America, I really, really mean that.

Now we’ve got these people – I don’t like these people, let me tell you, they’re really awful, they said, “Hey Trump, you’ve got small hands,” and so I went after them, I really did, I sued them, and what did they do? They decided they wanted a fight and I said, “Okay, we’ll see who’s still here in a few years,” and see, we’re still here, on this battlefield. It’s a yuge battlefield, and it’s really, really, great, it’s so special. See, we’ve built this cemetery, so how big it is? It’s so special. And these guys – we’ve got the best guys – they tell me, “Hey Donald, give us someone who can lead us and we’ll beat these rebels,” and so I made things happen – it’s what I do – and boom, look, we’ve got this big, big win. These guys died winning, and I’m sure that makes their families just so, so happy, all this winning. It’s really great that we can be here to make this place special because of all the winning they did.

But really, we can’t make this place any more special than they did by winning so hard, unless it’s to build a brand new Trump Towers – Gettysburg – that’s right ladies and gentlemen, that’s right, right here, right where you’re standing, we’re going to build this yuge tower, and oh my goodness, it will be so special, so big. You’ll just get sick from how big it is. You say to yourself, “Hey, I wonder if anyone will remember this place.” And now you don’t have to wonder anymore because you’ll be able to see it from miles and miles away, that’s how yuge it will be. We’ll make those rebels remember this place where they lost, where they became losers. I really hate losers. I hate them so much that we’re going to keep on winning, just to show them how much of losers they really are, that’s what we’re going to do. What these guys did – and they’re just the best, so special – well, we’re going to make sure that what they won for is going to be kept alive forever. Know what I’m going to do? I’m going to build a wall, a yuge wall, really, really yuge, all along the Mason-Dixon Line, and know what? I’m gonna make Jeff Davis pay for it, I really am. That guy’s such a loser, it’s why I hate him so much, and I think it’s what the guys that won here would really want. I’m just going to keep this great country really great, and yuge, just like me. We’re going to keep winning until we’re so tired of winning that you’ll have to thank me for making everything so great. My government is going to be around for a while, so get used to that winning.

Oh hey, look, we’ve got someone yelling about issues over there. What’s that? Slavery? Throw that guy outta here, get him out, this is about winning, and he’s a loser.

4 Feedbacks on "Donald Trump’s Gettysburg Address"


The truth is that regardless of how stupid you may think Trump is, he is highly unlikely, if he becomes president, to damage the United States as much as Lincoln did; to burn as many cities, needlessly burn as many cities, sacrifice as many citizens, trample the constitution as badly, imprison and murder reporters, smash printing presses, and ruin the republic, destroy American federalism. So, yea, ha, ha, big joke, you idiot. Go Lincoln – not!

Steve Gregg

Had Lincoln allowed the USA to be divided, all our problems would have been magnified, none solved. Slavery would continue to exist. There would have been no United States to turn the tide in WWI and WWII, which would have meant the Nazis would still be turning people into smoke through the chimneys of their death camps. The Soviet Union would still be a major power, pushing communism into all the cracks in the world. There would have been no new birth of freedom.


Lincoln made a terrible mistake and put the country at great risk. At one point in the civil war our foreign supporters were so dispirited by the Union armies failures that they were on the verge of withdrawing all support and urged Lincoln to request a truce. The North pulled it off but by all measures the should have won easily but instead managed to drag it out for years huge numbers killed and injured. Lincoln almost screwed the pooch. To be fair it wasn’t all his fault. He and others had developed a plan to phase out slavery and repay the slaves owners for their loss but others pushed the Southern leaders into a corner. Not defending the South or slavery but these were real people with real differences that demanded a political solution but were forced into a military disaster.
Just for the record I am a Yankee born and raised within a stones throw of Boston and got the standard brainwashing about the civil war in school. But the civil war was not all that we’ve been told. It was all that but so much more. It was not necessary and was a terrible failure of the administration, congress and diplomacy.


It was not a matter of “Lincoln (allowing) the USA to be divided,” it is a matter of Lincoln, following closely Henry Clay’s political philosophy, of putting the Union above all, and choosing to violently suppress the Southern states that seceded – which was their right to do – and waging an enormously destructive, punitive, immoral war. In doing so he trampled the constitution, firmly establish a national bank, and introduced for the first time on a large scale the practice of taxing nationally to support regional interests. A tragedy for our Nation. The civil war was not begun, and had little to do with slavery in the US, Lincoln believing not in freeing the slaves (he favored repatriation), but using them as a foil and distraction to the South’s prosecution of the war with his emancipation proclamation, analogously to how medieval armies would hurl diseased corpses into opponents’ castles.


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