19 Jun 2020

“Defunded Police Department Forced to Sell Off Nuclear Submarine”

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Hard Times Net has the story:

KALISPELL, Mont. — The Kalispell Police Department was directed by city officials yesterday to sell its Seawolf-class nuclear attack submarine amidst nationwide protests to defund law enforcement, sorrowful sources confirmed.

“You really know the world is in a sad state when a bunch of antifa thugs and PC fascists can strong-arm hard-working, red-blooded citizens like myself out of our constitutional right to nuclear-powered police tactics,” said Kalispell Police Chief Doug Overman while tearfully folding an American flag. “My officers put their lives on the line every day, and this is the thanks they get? Without our beloved submarine ‘Ol’ Blasty,’ all we’ve got to keep this town safe are our six tanks, three Apache helicopters, a fleet of exploding jet skis, and that Bengal tiger we bought from the Nepalese government. I tell you, things in this town are gonna go straight to hell.”

City councilperson Michael Williamson explained the city’s decision to sell the department’s submarine.

“Look, I’m completely in favor of responsible policing, but with everything that’s been going on around the country, we really need to cover our asses,” said Williamson. “We only approved the submarine in the first place to show up those jerks in Missoula after they bought their police a giant steampunk tarantula, so selling the damn thing off just makes sense.”

RTWT

Personally, I subscribe to the old-time: “One Riot; one Pensylvania State Cop” school of policing.

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