Category Archive 'Wretched Excess'

26 Oct 2017

Most Radical Laptop Ever

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Only $8,999.99 with Free Two-Day Shipping!

From Amazon, of course.

Some questions and customer reviews:

Can I carry out drone strikes with this thing? Looks the part doesn’t it.

Answer:
This system is not designed for field deployment and likely has not been evaluated by any person or entity operating armed UAVs for this purpose. For approved civilian UAV operation, there should be no problem.
By XOTIC PC SELLER on September 6, 2017

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4.0 out of 5 starsThere are some trade-offs to buying this device.
ByAmazon Customeron July 27, 2017
Bought this product with the equivalent of a home loan. The moment I set it on my lap to use as a “laptop” like the product title and information states, both of my legs were immediately lost of all blood flow what so ever. It only took me a couple of minuets to realize that in fact the only thing that was keeping my legs upright and attached to my body was the laptop itself just by it’s sheer weight.

Cons:
I have no legs.
I cannot reproduce.
I cannot walk.
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Pros:
I was able to sell my legs to cover most of the cost of the laptop.
GeForce GTX 1080 SLI

4 Stars
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Great for multi-tasking
ByAmazon Customeron May 23, 2017
I love this computer mainly because of the carrying case. I can now lug around all my weapons and check facebook at the same time. Thank you Acer! -Agent 47
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Five Stars
ByAmazon Customeron September 27, 2017
I love this thing it, had to murder a man to buy it but totally worth it
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Great PC, but it cant run Minecraft or Minesweeper …
ByAmazon Customeron October 9, 2017
I was able to get ahold of a cartel working with the black market and sold my kidney for upwards of 18 grand. Bought the laptop and used the other half to buy a new car. Great PC, but it cant run Minecraft or Minesweeper so Im probably going to return it.
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Best bang for your non existent buck
ByAmazon Customeron September 3, 2017
I was able to sell my soul to the devil for this one. He gave me immortality but all I wanted was this laptop. I highly recommend getting this laptop from beelzebub, as he will offer you the best value. It runs minecraft at 1,000,000,000,000 fps, but unfortunately is unable to run minesweeper. RIP
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HT: The Passive Voice via Karen L. Myers.

01 Nov 2014

Latest Hipster Atrocity: Artisanal Ice

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artisanal-ice

The Washington City Paper notes another watershed mark of decadent hipster self-indulgence.

A Manhattan will set you back $14 at forthcoming downtown restaurant and bar Second State. Want it on the rocks? That will be a dollar more—for a total of $15.

The Pennsylvania-themed spot, which is set to open in the former Mighty Pint space at 1831 M St. NW on Oct. 21, will be the first place in D.C. with an ice surcharge listed on its cocktail menu. (Most bars eat the cost or build it into the price of the drink.) Granted, these are no freezer-burned, generic tray cubes. This is the fancy, unclouded artisanal stuff from D.C.’s boutique ice company, Favourite Ice, founded by local bartenders Owen Thomson and Joseph Ambrose. Second State bartenders will chip off the eight corners for a more spherical shape that sits in the glass like an iceberg.

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Mother Jones reports that ice cube connoisseurship is actually already a national fad (and the green-on-the-outside-pink-on-the-inside left is all in a dither about its environmental impact).

Yes, artisanal ice is now a thing. In hipster meccas from Portland to Williamsburg, bars are serving up their drinks on extra-dense, extra-clear cubes, produced through a laborious process of freezing and carving. Cocktail connoisseurs swear the difference in flavor is worth the extra effort: In addition to being more aesthetically pleasing, the cubes’ density and relatively large size mean they melt more slowly and dilute your drink less. …

Demand for artisanal ice grew out of the past decade’s “cocktail renaissance”—the rise of small-batch liquor producers, the rediscovery of pre-Prohibition recipes, and an increasing emphasis on fresh, homemade ingredients. …

[Artisanal ice is made] in a special type of freezer called a Clinebell machine—the same device that ice sculptors use to form the blocks they carve into statues for weddings and bar mitzvahs. Most freezers chill water from the top down, which traps air bubbles under the upper layer of ice and leads to a cloudy cube. Clinebells cool from the bottom up, circulating the top layer of water to get rid of bubbles until it’s all frozen. Every three days, the machine spits out two 300-pound, crystal-clear chunks of ice, which [the specialist dealer] then break down with saws and deliver to clients around the city.

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Die Hipster grumbles:

Is this the end? The end of the hipster and the new beginning for normal people? I doubt it but its wishful thinking. One would think that when a couple of douchebag ****** ******* hipsters decide to charge people extra for “artisanal” ice in their drinks, that we’ve hit rock bottom and things are sure to get better. May lightning strike these ******* ***********.

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31 Oct 2013

“Like Firing Ten .30-06s”

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Put aside your girly-man .458 Win Mag or your wimpy .50 cal and watch guys shoot a real gun, the largest center fire rifle ever made, the .950 JDJ by SSK Industries (Ohio).

Only three were ever made. This was the lightest, the carbine version, weighing in at 50 lbs. It shoots a .95 caliber 2,400 grain bullet at 2,100 fps using 240 grains of powder, which generates 25,400 f/lbs of muzzle energy and 277 f/lbs of recoil energy. This would make a great bear killer, ought to blow it off its feet by several yards. Better have a gun bearer.

Each round costs $40.

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Wikipedia:


As its name implies, rifles chambered for the cartridge have a bore diameter of 0.950 in (24.1 mm), which would normally classify them as Destructive Devices in the United States under the 1968 (1934) National Firearms Act. However, SSK sought and received a “Sporting Use Exception” to de-regulate the rifles, meaning they can be purchased like any other Title I rifle by a person over age 18 with no felonies on their criminal record. The rifles themselves, of which only a handful have been made, use McMillan stocks and extraordinarily thick Krieger barrels bearing an 18 lb (8.2 kg) muzzle brake. Overall, depending on options, the rifles weigh from 85 to 110 pounds (39 to 50 kg) and are therefore only useful for shooting from a bench rest or heavy bipod. Despite the weight, recoil is significant, and shooters must be sure to choose components (i.e., scopes and bipods) that can handle the abuse. The sheer size and weight of these weapons makes them impractical for hunting use, as they cannot be carried afield. Thus, they are largely “range queens”—rifles that are brought to the range for a fun time, but not usually used for hunting or other “more practical” uses. Additionally, the cost of owning and operating such a firearm is beyond most shooters; the rifles cost ~US$8,000, loaded cartridges are $40 each, and the individual lathe-turned bronze bullets are $10 apiece.


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