SATIRE: The Onion:
CHICAGO—Promising that every effort would be made to limit the impact on residents’ day-to-day lives, Chicago officials announced Wednesday that a fleet of plows was working around the clock to clear more than 18 inches of fresh bullet casings that had blanketed the metropolitan area overnight.
Sources at the city’s Department of Streets and Sanitation confirmed that over 250 ammunition-removal vehicles had been deployed to deal with the knee-deep layer of spent cartridges, which have been steadily accumulating on Chicago’s streets, alleys, and pedestrian walkways since the previous evening.
“Our crews have been out there all night trying to make our roadways passable, but given how quickly the handgun and semi-automatic shells have piled up, it’s going to take some time,†DSS commissioner Charles L. Williams told reporters, thanking the public for its patience while crews made their way across the stricken municipality. “We’re making good headway, but as you can imagine, it’s not an easy job, especially with casings continuing to fall throughout the city.â€
“So unless you have an emergency, we’re urging all citizens to stay put for the time being,†he added. “Right now, it’s just not safe to be out in such treacherous conditions.â€
Williams stated that as casing levels surpassed 12 inches, scores of extra workers from outside the city were called in to help keep pace with the buildup. In addition, numerous dump truck crews have reportedly been tasked with carting off entire trailers full of cartridges from the hardest-hit areas and depositing them in nearby landfills before circling back to pick up more.
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REALITY: Sun-Times 7/24:
Six men were killed and at least 35 other people were wounded in shootings across Chicago between Friday night and Monday morning.
The most recent deaths were the latest of 364 people fatally shot in the city this year, according to data maintained by the Chicago Sun-Times. In all, more than 2,075 people have been shot since the start of the year.
John
I find it remarkable that this continues, and no one does anything bold and effective to end it. Trump said he would, but so far, nothing. Disappointed.
Best site for tracking this is heyjackass.com.
Dick the Butcher
They need to hire a posse of Somali cops so that the NYTimes, CNN, WaPost, et al won’t tell Al Sharpton and Black Lives matter when they shoot the filthy animals.
A white cop shoots a black career criminal and its racism.
A black cop shoots a black career criminal and it’s institutional racism.
A Somali cop kills a white woman in her PJ’s, and it’s Islamophobia.
GoneWithTheWind
“I find it remarkable that this continues, and no one does anything bold and effective to end it.”
Blame it on the ACLU. Stop and frisk would cut the number of homicides in half easily. Denying bail to those accused of murder/shooting would reduce these crimes as well. Both of these things would be fought by the ACLU and the courts would side with the ACLU. In the eyes of the ACLU and the courts it is clearly better that these thugs shoot each other and innocent bystanders than that we use bold and effective measures to end it.
SteveS
This is truly horrifying. Can’t we teach people to pick up their spent shell casings? Maybe an ad campaign on public transit and some television PSAs. And special trash bins for recycling brass.
Soren K
Maybe a new twist on the gun buyback theme… tie SNAP benefits to handgun and ammo turned into authorities. Maybe set a 70% floor for no monthly turn in of weapons, then for every working handgun you get 30% more… 2 guns and you’re dining at the 130% range. Boxes of ammo rate 3% per box of 50 rounds.
Or introduce a community element… If there is a shooting on your block this month, everyone registered on that block takes a 20% reduction in benefits that month.
All sorts of angles here. Democrats are quite inventive at Pay for Play. I’m sure it can work out.
Ground Loops in the Labyrinth - American Digest
[…] CHICAGO—Promising that every effort would be made to limit the impact on residents’ day-to-day lives, Chicago officials announced Wednesday that a fleet of plows was working around the clock to clear more than 18 inches of fresh bullet casings that had blanketed the metropolitan area overnight. Never Yet Melted » Satire Versus Reality […]
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