22 Oct 2018

The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial

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The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial
by Meg Elison

I am the very model of a modern-age millennial,
I’ve got no cash, no house, no kids, and student debt perennial,
I know the rules of Tinder, and I’m not sold on monogamy
(For what it’s worth I think that stems from troubles ‘tween my mom and me)
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters on the gender front
Myself, I am nonbinary; your labels I so do not want
Been disillusioned by my expectations with a lot o’ stuff,
The skills with which I am equipped for life are frankly not enough
My job prospects are hobbled by insistence on a living wage
Compete at entry level with some washed-up folks at twice my age
In matters of identity, employment and such petty ills
I am the very model of a modern-age millennial

An unprecedentedly intimate and comprehensive glimpse at the breadth and diversity of one of world literature’s most vital, adventurous presences.
On Monday I killed Applebee’s, on Tuesday I axed country clubs
I’ve never bought a diamond and I have no use for cashmere gloves
I quote dank internet memes in lieu of sharing actual thoughts
For earnestness has been passé since sometime in the early aughts
Still advertisers flail and fail to capture all my buying power
(The sum of which amounts to renting GIG cars by the paltry hour)
I’m subject to the bleak nostalgia of Generation Xers
And YouTube sensibilities adored by web-savvy youngsters
So I get to the take the blame for our country’s tanked economy
While fighting for my basic rights and bodily autonomy
In short I’m fucked in matters from the vital to the trivial
I am the very model of a modern-age millennial
In fact, when I know what is meant by “social justice warrior”
When I can tell at sight a fascist MRA conspirator
When such affairs are treated as unsolvable new mysteries,
I shake my head and wonder if the Boomers studied history
When I have learnt what progress has been made and then just flushed away
My generation’s best bet looks like playing Fortnite drunk all day
In short, if you’re angry right now and spewing aged white vitriol
Remember you created me: the modern age millennial
For I’m the generation raised upon the game Monopoly
You’re hoarding all the wealth and jobs and mock me for my poverty
So now I’m skewing socialist with discourse quite ungenial
Please check your local ballots for the modern-age millennial

HT: McSweeney’s via Karen L. Myers.

5 Feedbacks on "The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial"

Seattle Sam

Gilbert & Sullivan would approve.


With mixed feelings I have to say that because of our over spending, our migrant invasion, and our federal governments malfeasance I fully expect a total social/financial collapse which I would expect either China, Russia or both to exploit by opening a war against the West. So therefore, like it or not the millennials and the generation Z are going to get the opportunity to become the next “greatest generation” that was last given to our grandparents or their survival of the great depression and WW II. If and when that happens it won’t matter a iota what gender they think they are or whether they like to work or not they will learn to survive or die. I take no pleasure in any of this although I do believe that the generation X and millennials richly deserve this fate for screwing up over the last 40 years or so. I fear that we, America, may well not survive this next test. I don’t think the young and middle aged adults are up to the challenge and will fold like a cheap suit.


GWTW – Who has been in charge most of the past 40 years? Hint: it wasn’t Gen X or the Millenials.


Generation X: demographers and researchers typically use birth years ranging from the early-to-mid 1960s to the early 1980s.


#1, you create yourself.
#2, monolithic blame on an entire group of people for your failings?
#3, no one forced you to go into horrible levels of dept for an inferior education, your choice.


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