The new paper of record has the story:
U.S.â€”The recent U.N. conference on climate change and especially the words of 16-year-old activist Greta Thunberg have had a profound impact on the Democratic presidential candidates, so much so that they are now turning words into action and dropping out of the presidential race since they now think thereâ€™s no point to it.
â€œWeâ€™re all going to die, so why am I wasting my time on this?!â€ cried Cory Booker as he collapsed to his knees. â€œThereâ€™s nothing we can do!â€
â€œWhy am I fighting for abortion on demand at 39 weeks when weâ€™re all going to die anyway?!â€ screamed Elizabeth Warren. â€œItâ€™s all pointless! All my plans are pointless!â€
â€œHere I was worrying about billionaires when itâ€™s the sun thatâ€™s my enemy!â€ yelled Bernie Sanders as he shook his fist at the sun. â€œI should have taxed the sun!â€