23 Apr 2021

Who Doesn’t Enjoy a Good Teenage Knife Fight?

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Sharks versus Jets in “West Side Story” (1961).

Charles C.W. Cooke, tongue firmly in cheek, has loads of fun joining Bree Newsome and Lebron James in sticking up for teenage knife fighting.

Since when do we need the cops to intervene in the recreational stabbings of our youth?

Just when I thought that America couldn’t possibly get any softer, people start suggesting that there’s a role for the police in preventing knife murders. The snowflake generation strikes once again.

Is there any tradition that the radicals won’t ruin? As the brilliant Bree Newsome pointed out on Twitter, “Teenagers have been having fights including fights involving knives for eons.” And now people are calling the cops on them? I ask: Is this a self-governing country or not? When Newsome says, “We do not need police to address these situations by showing up to the scene & using a weapon,” she may be expressing a view that is unfashionable these days. But she’s right.

Disappointingly, my colleague Phil Klein has felt compelled to join the critics. In a post published yesterday, Phil asked in a sarcastic tone whether the police should “somehow treat teenage knife fights as they would harmless roughhousing and simply ignore it.” My answer to this is: Yes, that’s exactly what they should do — yes, even if they are explicitly called to the scene. I don’t know where Phil grew up, but where I spent my childhood, Fridays were idyllic: We’d play some football, try a little Super Mario Bros, have a quick knife fight, and then fire up some frozen pizza before bed. And now law enforcement is getting involved? This is political correctness gone mad.

It’s hypocrisy, too. Who among us hasn’t come within a second or two of murdering someone else with a steak knife? My best friend in school, Bobby “The Blade” Simpson, used to throw shivs at the smaller kids in the music room. Did we need the authorities to step in when that happened? No, we did not. As MSNBC’s Joy Reid argued smartly on her show last night, pranks such as these were dealt with by our teachers — just as we all expected they would be. And if something went wrong? Well, that’s why we had substitutes.

In all honesty, I worry that this sort of helicopter policing is making us weak. Back in my day, the people who survived a good stabbing came out stronger for it.


3 Feedbacks on "Who Doesn’t Enjoy a Good Teenage Knife Fight?"

Schill McGuffin

I’ve seen half-a-dozen interviews and references to Bryant’s parents’ lament that “she didn’t deserve what happened to her”, and zero commentary from her intended victim’s parents.

Now, it’s entirely understandable if they’ve refused to comment, for fear of what the mob would say if they dared express something other than a BLM party line, but the complete media silence on the subject would be comical if it weren’t so nauseating.


Yeah. Fights is all natural. Dats why we carried big Crescent Wrenches or those huge Craftsman screwdrivers that doubled as tire-irons for our motor. [Sure, Teach. It just didn’t fit under the seat.] [Never know when one of them “peaceful”, “loving” types was going tgo go all outrageous with its Mother’s kitchen set, hormones and all.][Or was it supposed to be from the lead?] Good shooting, though.

But think about all the mythological opportunities for the “Lady in Pink” (or is it now girlie, woman, female or being that identifies as Pink, etc).

Masybe, some day we will find out who called “The Man”. I bet it will be a great story.

Back in the day, I just wore old clothes and waited until the protological person was chatting-up the ladies without his posse. They didn’t even make us pay for the broken furniture or smashed trash cans. No knives but that institutional jello [green apple as I recall] was really nasty. Now it seems it is all about the Dance Mozambique. So much for intramural sports.


That should have been “proctological”. Spell checker don’t talk rite.

They gave my beloved green jello when she was in. “Sugar-free” to boot.


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