Category Archive 'Black Humor'
22 Nov 2015

The Game This Year

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HarvardYale2015
Harvard won 38-19.

Quote from the Yale Class of ’69 list-server:

Harvard had more points but we had a more diverse defensive line. Does that mean we won?”

Reply:

“Yes. Because that diverse line didn’t inhibit Harvard’s freedom of expression and opposition to our view they should not score more points than us and win, but was allowed to express and implement that point of view at will with almost no resistance from us.”

Hat tip to Frank A. Dobbs ’69.

11 Nov 2015

Jihadist Interview Interrupted By Arriving Artillery Shell

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Also killed was Syrian media activist Ahmed Abu Hamza.

Hat tip to Daily Caller.

01 Nov 2015

Best Halloween Costumes

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HenryVIII&AnnBoleyn

25 Oct 2015

A Halloween Ditty

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04 Oct 2015

Nihilist Security Question

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Nihilists

From McSweeny’s:


Nihilistic Password Security Questions.

– – – –

What is the name of your least favorite child?

In what year did you abandon your dreams?

What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress?

At what age did your childhood pet run away?

What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?

In what city did you first experience ennui?

What is your ex-wife’s newest last name?

What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?

What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?

What was the middle name of your first rebound?

On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?

When did you stop trying?

03 Oct 2015

“Bark! Bark! (Timmy’s in the Well!)”

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LassieWell

29 Sep 2015

Equal Opportunity

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Aranaktu1
Aranaktu2
Aranaktu3
Aranaktu4
Aranaktu5

15 Sep 2015

“Bother,” Said Pooh

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M-HPooh

I just discovered that “Bother,” said Pooh is a humor meme. Robert Adams has collected lots of examples.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he continued machinegunning the life rafts.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he adjusted Tigger’s head on the trophy wall.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he clubbed another baby Harp seal.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he heard the trip wire click.

“Bother,” said Pooh, lobbing a fragmentation grenade into the nursery.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he poured carcinogens into the city water supply.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he reacquired the fleeing target.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he beat the bound and helpless victim.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ran the redlight.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he passed around the joint.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he flashed a group of nuns.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he turned a mouse loose in the maternity ward.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he slipped his date a Mickey Finn.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he triggered the burglar alarm.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he mugged the little old lady.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sniffed another tube of glue.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he stuffed another bullfrog in the blender.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he strafed the refugee congested highway.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he snorted another line.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he gave the broker inside information.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he pledged “Ein Volk. Ein Reich. Ein Bubba.”

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sprayed the playground with gunfire.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he got stoned with Bill Clinton.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he borrowed O.J.’s White Bronco for a few hours.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ate the baby’s candy.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he handed Teddy Kennedy the crib sheet.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he slipped the traffic cop a bribe.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he called in an airstrike.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he locked weapons systems onto the hapless 747.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he finished shooting up.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he directed traffic onto the dead-end street.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he handed the cashier a forged check.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he passed around the Ripple Blanc.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sold his life story to Oliver Stone.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ignored the white flag and ordered “Open Fire!”.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ordered “Fix Bayonets!”

“Bother,” said Pooh as he tapped out a false distress signal.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he torched the grammar school.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he fenced the previous night’s take.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he slapped a fresh clip into the smoking Uzi.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ran another load of bootleg whiskey.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he took another swing at Reginald Denny.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he banked the Heinkel HE-111 towards London.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he kneecapped the informer.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he gunned the truck towards the Marine barracks.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he pressed the bomb release.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he boobytrapped the ambulance.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he poured Ipecac into the relief food supplies.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he shook down the shopkeeper.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he made the Godfather an offer he couldn’t refuse.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he lit the fuze.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he poured Zyklon-B into the ventilation system.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he punched holes in a shipment of condoms.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he poured grease onto the interstate.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he blew the doors off the Brink’s truck.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he cut and paste the ransom demand.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he falsified his income tax return.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he testified O.J. was with him all night.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he yanked the guillotine’s lanyard.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he saw Christopher Robin go down the third time.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he pushed Christopher Robin into the quicksand.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was arrested for non-support.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he loaded a bomb onto the airplane.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sabotaged the power station.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he called in a false fire alarm.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sabotaged the elevator cable.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he tagged ‘Roo Sucks For Free’ on the water tower.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he left O.J.’s White Bronco on the street.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he shot another Spotted Owl.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he fried up a panful of Snail Darters.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he dropped another white rhino.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he wrote another speech for Jocelyn Elders.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he set the crosshairs on President Clinton.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he pushed Christopher Robin over the cliff.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he broke into the bank vault.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he cut down another giant Sequoia.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he told the girl his wife didn’t understand him.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he substituted Ipecac for Folger Crystals.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ordered Mr. Worff to fire all phasers.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he tossed a bloody glove behind Kato’s poolhouse.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ushered the starlet towards the casting couch.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he made another laundry run to Grand Cayman.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he tried on Hillary’s bra and panties.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he cheated on his wife.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he slipped his date a Purple Microdot.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he scored a quarter pound.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he led a group of illegals across the border.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he dropped a load of napalm on the village.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he slashed the ambulance’s tires.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he mined the hospital parking lot.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he distributed cigarettes in the Coronary ICU.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he delivered another load of pirated videos.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he peered through the girl’s locker room peephole.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was read his Miranda Rights.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was arraigned for necrophilia.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he forged Christopher Robin’s suicide note.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he framed O.J. Simpson.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was arrested for indecent exposure.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sapped the bank guard.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he seduced Christopher Robin’s mother.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he torched the rain forest.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he depleted the ozone layer.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he rolled over and asked Nicole for a cigarette.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he set the Doomsday Machine for next Tuesday.

“Bother,” said Pooh as his U-Boat sank another hospital ship.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he lured the young girl into the bushes.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he date-raped Gloria Steinem

“Bother,” said Pooh as he wished everyone a Happy Yom Kippur.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he wished everyone a Happy Pearl Harbor day.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was caught playing with himself.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he led his VC patrol through the wire.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he rolled another joint for the President.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he gave Ted Kennedy another driving lesson.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he held up the 7-11.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sold crack in the school yard.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he worshipped & groveled at his Dominatrix’s feet.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he manufactured another bomb for the IRA.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he found his old SS uniform still fit.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he stalked Lover’s Lane.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he substituted Zyklon-B for Folger’s Crystals.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he suffered the ‘Heartbreak of Psoriasis’.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he realized Suave Shampoo was giving him frizzies.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he found Head & Shoulder didn’t do Legs & Torsos.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was bitten by his date’s living bra.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he flunked the the sobriety test.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he told the judge he was an endangered species.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he hotwired the getaway car.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he thumbed through his father’s magazines.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he put pinholes in his father’s condoms.

“Bother,” said Pooh as Camille Paglia groveled at his feet.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he finished editing Jeffrey Dahmer’s cookbook.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he swapped recipes with Hannibal Lector.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he rolled over and ordered Hillary to get munchies.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he issued speeding tickets at the Indy 500.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he coached Anita Hill on how to lie under oath.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he heard, “Will the Defendant please rise.”

“Bother,” said Pooh as he coached Saddam Hussein on military strategy.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he coached Hill-Billy on acting ‘Presidential’.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he once again perjured himself.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he lied, “Yes, I’ll respect you in the morning.”

“Bother,” said Pooh as he got off the plane in Medelin.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he sold nuclear secrets to the Russians.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he fondled the drugged and helpless girl.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he hawked ‘Saturday Night Specials’ in the ghetto.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he converted the hunting rifle to automatic fire.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he dropped Bambi’s mother with a single shot.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he arrested for welfare fraud.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he counseled Bill on how to dodge the draft.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he prepared Christopher Robin for human sacrifice.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he threw the pin and dropped the grenade.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he evicted the aged widow on Christmas Eve.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he handed out Exlax as treats on Halloween.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he whispered to Connie Chung he was “Deep Throat”.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he admitted being the Lindbergh kidnapper.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was indicted for tax evasion.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he ordered another assault on the nursery.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he plagarized another speech for Joe Biden.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he swore allegiance to the Nation of Islam.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he was indicted for pandering.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he purchased cigarettes for a group of minors.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he lauded Sam Donaldson for objective reporting.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he beared his soul to the world.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he admitted being Oswald’s accomplice.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he stuck a pin in Hillary’s implants.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he gave Chelsea beauty lessons.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he introduced Bill at the Watt’s VFW post.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he admitted framing Tonya Harding.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he shooed his girls out to the streets.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he flew to Sweden for a sex change.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he planted Flowers in the Oval Office.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he gave Ozzie Osborne diction lessons.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he decorated the nursery with lead paint.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he recommended Boris Yelstin for the Nobel Prize.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he rolled over and smacked Fergie’s bottom.

“Bother,” said Pooh as he tried on his new Rooskin coat.

06 Sep 2015

SNL: Father Daughter Ad

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04 Sep 2015

Kubler-Ross Glasses

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StagesofGriefGlasses

14 Aug 2015

Tall Tale From the Old West

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MountainRats1876

New Falcon Herald:

Pikes Peak was the scene of a fraud perpetrated in 1876 by John O’Keefe, whose job was to take weather readings on the summit and signal them to the city below.

O’Keefe’s tall tale about rats on the peak’s summit was first printed in the Pueblo Chieftain newspaper. The tale then spread to the Rocky Mountain News, which published an articled entitled “Rodents on the Rampage – an Awful and Almost Incredible Story, a Fight for Life with Rats on Pikes Peak.”

In the Rocky Mountain News story, O’Keefe claimed the top of Pikes Peak was overrun by rats the size of cats that fed on “saccharine gum that percolates through the pores of the rocks.”

The story continues:

    “Since the establishment of the government’s signal station on the summit of the peak, these animals have acquired a voracious appetite for raw and uncooked meat, the scent of which seems to impart to them a ferocity rivaling the fierceness of the starved Siberian wolf.”

O’Keefe claimed that on his first night at the station, he and his wife were attacked by rats and would have been overwhelmed had they not electrocuted them using electrical wire powered by a battery.

When the battle was over, they discovered the rats had eaten their infant daughter, Erin.

O’Keefe claimed he buried all that was left of Erin (her skull) under a pile of rocks with a marker and this inscription, “Erin O’Keefe, daughter of John and Nora O’Keefe, who was eaten by mountain rats in the year 1876.”

The grave became a popular tourist attraction, and O’Keefe charged 50 cents for tourists to have their picture taken at the site.

O’Keefe was eventually revealed as a fraud. He didn’t have a wife or daughter, and probably buried his dead burro under the rocks.

Via Ratak Monodosico.

05 Aug 2015

We Need One of These

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ReleasetheHounds

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