Just days after retired Marine Gen. James Mattis was officially tapped as Trumpâ€™s nomination for defense secretary, he vowed to reporters that if approved by Congress he would â€œmake killing great again.â€
â€œThe first time we blow an enemy nation completely off the map will not be an insignificant event,â€ Mattis said. â€œThe survivors of the globe will write about what we do for the next 10,000 years.â€
There has been unprecedented bipartisan support for â€œMad Dogâ€ Mattisâ€™ nomination, as many lawmakers are fearful of receiving a vigorous ass kicking from the retired Marine general.
â€œHe testified on Capitol Hill once, pushed me on the ground, and then took my lunch money,â€ said Democratic Rep. Tammy Duckworth of Illinois. â€œIâ€™m all about him being SecDef if he stops calling me girlâ€™s names.â€
Meanwhile, Pentagon brass are scrambling to figure out how they are going to brief the incoming Defense Secretary without PowerPoint.
â€œI once gave a short but exciting PowerPoint brief to General Mattis,â€ said a Marine officer who wished to remain anonymous. â€œI was on light duty for three weeks after that.â€
Confident in his approval by Congress, Mattis has already ordered all military maps to be changed from having a label of â€œMiddle Eastâ€ to â€œFree Parking.â€
At press time, Rep. Seth Moulton (D-Mass.), a former Marine officer, was seen pleading â€” with tears in his eyes â€” that Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) not try and cross Mattis, for fear heâ€™ll kill them all.
06 Dec 2016