The staff at the Babylon Bee clearly wants to live.
Above all, we want to make sure Hillary does not question our loyalty to her and the whole Clinton family. We have nothing bad to say about her. Also, just to be clear, we have no dirt or inside information on her whatsoever and nothing would be gained by our untimely deaths.
So, Hillary, we love you! Please do not hurt us.
From Henry Bernatonis:
A very short gun story.
A wild eyed (and butt ugly) old woman walked into a crowded bar in downtown Washington, D.C. waving an un-holstered pistol and yelled out;
“I have a .45 caliber Colt 1911, with a seven round magazine, plus one in the chamber.
I want to know who’s been sleeping with my husband?”
A female voice from the back of the room called out,
“You Need More Ammo, Mrs. Clinton”.
WASHINGTON, D.C.â€”At a campaign rally designed to drum up enthusiasm among Democratic voters, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton took the stage in an ominous black cloak and began encouraging her audience to let their anger control them.
“Yes, good, good,” she said, nodding at the crowd’s visible angst as an evil smile crept across her face. “The hate is swelling in you now. Take up weapons against Republicansâ€” use them. Strike me down if you have to. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment, you make yourselves more my servants!”
She then threw back her cloak and cackled at the sky, hands blasting powerful electric charges at several of her aides, who were fried to a crisp. “Use your aggressive feelings, Democrats. Let the hate flow through you!”
Several assistants rushed the stage, pleading with her to find “the light” within her: “Your overconfidence is your weakness, Hillary!”
But she laughed off this assault, electrocuting those who would have tried to turn her in a split second. “And your faith in the outdated notion of civility is yours!”
Hillary Clinton rejected calls for a return to civility in American politics during an interview on Tuesday, arguing instead that civility can only return once Democrats take back control of Congress.
â€œYou cannot be civil with a political party that wants to destroy what you stand for, what you care about,â€ Clinton told CNNâ€™s Christiane Amanpour. â€œThatâ€™s why I believe, if we are fortunate enough to win back the House and or the Senate, thatâ€™s when civility can start again. But until then, the only thing that the Republicans seem to recognize and respect is strength.â€
Iranâ€™s Foreign Ministry Spokesman Hossein Jaberi Ansari warned Western officials this week that if they do not put pressure on the Trump administration the Iranian regime will leak the names of all Western officials who were bribed to pass the weak deal.