Jeremy Meeks, a blue-eyed 30-year-old ex-convict got arrested in Stockton, California last Wednesday during a weapons sweep, when police found a .45 pistol in the trunk of his car. Mr. Meeks previously served two years for grand theft, and has tattoos implying that he is affiliated with the Crips gang and has previously killed someone.
The Stockton police make a practice of posting their most recent mug shots on-line, and the arrest photo of Jeremy Meeks immediately went viral on the Internet, causing women (and Andrew Sullivan) to swoon over the convict’s ethnically-diverse good looks.
The story of the excitement over the photo even gained international coverage by British newspapers like the Daily Mail. And Meeks’ mugshot has also become the object of the latest Photoshop humor meme. Buzzfeed
Mallory Ortberg imagines how the saga might have read if Ayn Rand had written Harry Potter.
“Give me your wand, boy,†Voldemort hissed.
“I cannot do that. This wand represents my wealth, which is itself a tangible result of my achievements. Wealth is the product of man’s capacity to think,†Harry said bravely.
Voldemort gasped.
“There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.â€
Voldemort began to melt. Harry lit a cigarette, because he was the master of fire.
“The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities. The minimum wage is a tax on the successful. The market will naturally dictate the minimum wage without the government stepping in to determine arbitrary limits.â€
Voldemort howled.
“I’m going to sell copies of my wand at an enormous markup,†Harry said, “and you can buy one like everyone else.â€
Voldemort had been defeated.
“He hated us for our freedom,†Ron said.
“No, Ron,†Harry said. “He hated us for our free markets.â€
Hermione ached with desire for the both of them to master her, but nobody paid her any attention. They had empires to build.
ARKHAM, MA -— Arguing that students should return to the fundamentals taught in the Pnakotic Manuscripts and the Necronomicon in order to develop the skills they need to be driven to the very edge of sanity, Arkham school board member Charles West continued to advance his pro-madness agenda at the district’s monthly meeting Tuesday.
“Fools!” said West, his clenched fist striking the lectern before him. “We must prepare today’s youth for a world whose terrors are etched upon ancient clay tablets recounting the fever-dreams of the other gods—not fill their heads with such trivia as math and English. Our graduates need to know about those who lie beneath the earth, waiting until the stars align so they can return to their rightful place as our masters and wage war against the Elder Things and the shoggoths!”
The controversial school board member reportedly interrupted a heated discussion about adding fresh fruit to school lunches in order to bring his motion to the table. With the aid of a flip chart, West laid out his six-point plan for increased madness, which included field trips to the medieval metaphysics department at Miskatonic University, instruction in the incantations of Yog-Sothoth, and a walkathon sponsored by local businesses to raise money for the freshman basketball program.
Artist’s rendering of the Cthulhu, a hideous demon borne of pure malice that fewer than 3 percent of high school sophomores can identify.
“Our schools are orderly, sanitary places where students dwell in blissful ignorance of the chaos that awaits,” West said. “Should our facilities be repaired? No, they must be razed to the ground and rebuilt in the image of the Cyclopean dwellings of the Elder Gods, the very geometry of which will drive them to be possessed by visions of the realms beyond.”
These three waggish hunters are posing with three enormous punt guns, the sort of arm that was used to hunt waterfowl en masse during the reign of Queen Victoria, in front of a duck-billed dinosaur.
