Please accept with no obligation implied or explicit,
my best wishes for an environmentally conscious,
socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday,
practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice, with respect for the
religious / secular persuasion and/or traditions of others,
or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset
of the generally accepted calendar year 2010,
but not without due respect for the calendars of choice
of other cultures whose contributions to society and science
have helped to make America great. Not to imply that America
is or is not greater than any other country,
nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.
These wishes are made without regard to the race, creed,
color, age, physical ability, education, religious faith,
political affiliation or sexual preference of the wishee.
These wishes are intended for the sole pleasure of the intended addressee,
and is not for re-distribution or resale.
Please destroy after expiration date.
…and may all your batteries be included.
Please Read Carefully:
I MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED,
REGARDING THESE WISHES (INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ABILITY TO PERFORM,
VULNERABILITY, CONTENT, AND/OR INCOME), AND ANY OTHER SERVICE PROVIDED BY ME HEREUNDER,
INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, ANY IMPLIED WARRANTY OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE
AND IMPLIED WARRANTIES ARISING FROM A COURSE OF DEALING OR COURSE OF PERFORMANCE.
I EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ANY REPRESENTATION OR WARRANTY REGARDING THE PERFORMANCE,
AVAILABILITY, FUNCTIONALITY, OR ANY OTHER ASPECT OF MYSELF.
I WILL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INTERRUPTIONS OR ERRORS, MEDICAL CONDITION, FAMILY HISTORY, OR RELATIVES;
NOR WILL I BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY CHILDREN PRODUCED AS A RESULT OF THESE WISHES.
Hat tip to Matthew Klein.